IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram demonstrates the structure of a home smokery and how it functions

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram demonstrates the structure of a home smokery and how it functions
Overall
Linking Words
, there are three main stages at a home smokery which start with the fresh
air
Use synonyms
 from outside to the underground
pipe
Use synonyms
 and get into the box
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
At the first stage
Linking Words
, the lid was left open which let the fresh
air
Use synonyms
 come into the first underground
pipe
Use synonyms
. After that, the fresh
air
Use synonyms
 continues to go down and cross to the right side leading it to the
second
Use synonyms
 underground
pipe
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
second
Use synonyms
 stage, the fresh
air
Use synonyms
 was kept in the
second
Use synonyms
 underground
pipe
Use synonyms
 as it was prevented from coming up to the ground by a closed lid. At
this
Linking Words
pipe
Use synonyms
, the fresh
air
Use synonyms
 blows the fire up harder with the logs which create the
smoke
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the third stage, the
smoke
Use synonyms
 kept at the
second
Use synonyms
 underground
pipe
Use synonyms
 came into a smaller
pipe
Use synonyms
 which was linked to the third underground
pipe
Use synonyms
. It continues to move through that
pipe
Use synonyms
 and
finally
Linking Words
 goes up to the box on the ground. Eventually, the
smoke
Use synonyms
 started to
smoke
Use synonyms
 the fish.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction could be more precise in outlining the key features of the diagram. Consider mentioning that the diagram illustrates both the structure and function of the smokery in a brief manner.
coherence
Try to vary your sentence structures to improve the flow of your writing. Use a mix of simple and complex sentences to enhance coherence.
coherence
In the conclusion, summarize the main stages more explicitly to reinforce the overall process described in the essay.
task achievement
You have accurately outlined the main stages involved in the functioning of a home smokery, showing a good understanding of the process.
coherence
The logical progression of ideas is clear, making it easy to follow the description of the smokery's operations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: