IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it’s important to spend money on family celebrations(e.g. weddings, birthdays. But some think expensive celebrations are a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a debate over whether spending funds on weddings and birthdays has consequences, with some saying it can be better and others arguing that it can cause squandering of money. In my opinion, it has some drawbacks and effects on people’s lives as they can face financial hardship. On the one hand, Not spending a piece of the bill on a party can lead to several positive outcomes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, including improved financial stability and avoiding overspending on festivals can help individuals save cash, build an emergency fund, and pay off indebtedness.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to a greater sense of financial security and freedom from worry.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people can organize inexpensive anniversaries, like, meaningful ceremonies by focusing on experiences rather than material possessions, and individuals can create more meaningful and lasting memories.
This
Linking Words
 can be achieved through activities like spending time with family, volunteering, or engaging in hobbies.
In addition
Linking Words
, celebrating no payout can be about finding joy in simple, low-cost activities are experiences.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Wasting an area of funds for celebrating weddings, and birthdays can cause financial difficulties.
Firstly
Linking Words
, These things take an acreage of expense and
then
Linking Words
 it takes a property of property to assemble a big carousel.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Spending excessive amounts on gala can lead to financial strain liability, Overspending on bash can strain finances and potentially lead to arrears. Borrowing capital to cover extravagant events can create a cycle of credit and interest payments, making it difficult to manage finances effectively. If people have a wish to organize parties they can do it without spending much funds and expenses. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some people say wasting payment on high-priced parties offers several profits, I believe that it's better to save payment for future travel than to spend it anywhere.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using clearer transition phrases, which will better guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more detailed examples or though processes to backup your argument to enhance the insightfulness of your points.
language use
Review the grammar and word choice; some inaccuracies or awkward phrases can divert the reader's attention away from your message.
structure
Your essay engages with both sides of the argument, which is a good practice in discussing diverse opinions.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion, which is effectively positioned in the introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: