IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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A lot of trending remedies have been surfing the internet lately, for say 'Use these simple exercises to get rid of a migraine in 5 minutes at home'. Some might argue that
this
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 is a placebo effect rather than a cure,
however
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, many can guarantee that non-traditional medicine actually works. In my opinion, seeking help from a professional is always safer than trusting anyone blindly. Undoubtedly, it could be agreed that doctor visits are quite pricey nowadays and they are not as cheap as they used to be decades ago,
hence
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, people tend to find other alternatives to treat health issues.
This
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 not only leads to the sick getting sicker but
also
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 higher mortality rates.
On the other hand
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, a lot of people invest in expensive treatments and unfortunately, it simply does not work and they don't get better, so they get eager to try other pharmaceutical treatments without keeping in mind if that would actually cause more harm than good. Let's take mental illness
for instance
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, it has always been believed that mental illness can be cured by electrocution and other harmful techniques, but
this
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 has not yet shown any improvement in the subjects who tried it but in fact, caused them to deteriorate
instead
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. A personal example, I have always suffered from knee pain and I found out that a heating pad helps dramatically,
however
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, it does not replace the relief I get after taking painkillers; a medicine to help with the pain. In a nutshell, non-traditional ways of curing illnesses can work out in some cases and can be a plus from a financial aspect but I opine that it does not carry as many merits to overpower well-studied medicine and professionals who dedicated their lives to treating others.

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task achievement
Expand on your main points to provide more depth and clarity in your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of that paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use more cohesive devices (e.g., transitional phrases) to improve the flow between sentences and ideas.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, showcasing your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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