Nowadays, more and more younger people need to compete with older people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What would you suggest as a solution?

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In the modern world, competition among youngsters and elderly people has become a growing concern .
Moreover
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, adults have to face challenges in getting a job
due to
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the elderly candidates as they have more experience and skills.
Although
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there are a few problems, I personally believe that these issues can be tackled through effective situations. One of the major issues is that owing to the advancement of technologies number of tasks at workplaces are replaced with robotics
as a result
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there is a shortage of occupations.
Besides
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this
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, older people want to do as much work as they can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in order to fulfil the family's responsibilities. Many big
corporation
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corporations
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tends to hire more experienced and aged individuals which
results
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result
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in unemployment
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
youngsters.
Furthermore
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, if younger people do not have jobs they might
get
Verb problem
apply
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indulged
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indulge
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in illegal activities for their earnings which will
consequently
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increase the nation's crime rate.
For instance
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, it is observed that the main cause of higher crime rates in developing countries is a result of low employment opportunities. To address
this
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rising issue the government can take effective solutions.
Firstly
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, there should be a specific retirement
age
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for older
community
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communities
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at workplaces and no one should be allowed to work after retirement
age
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.
This
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will open the opportunities for
youngster
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youngsters
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to clear the interviews easily.
Additionally
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, big companies
also
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play a crucial role as they can split their company's positions in specific
age
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categories
this
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will help to mitigate the competition between adults and elders.
Lastly
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, the government should invest in programs that provide support to older citizens
such
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as lowering their fees, taxes and bills
as well as
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by working on post-retirement pensions.
For example
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, many developed nations have pension schemes for elderly residents which
aids
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aid
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them to live their lives without disturbing their standard of living. In conclusion, the development of robots and technologies has dropped the employment rate and increased the challenges that youngsters have to face during
the
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their
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job search.
However
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, the higher authorities can resolve
this
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issue by taking initiatives
such
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as opening positions to young ones and supporting citizens in their old
age
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. Government, individuals, and organisations must all work together to bring about meaningful change.

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a more precise viewpoint in the introduction to strengthen your thesis statement. Consider rephrasing to clearly articulate how the problems can be tackled.
Task Achievement
Make sure to elaborate on each point in more detail, providing deeper insight and analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer paragraph transitions to help the reader follow your argument more smoothly. This will enhance the overall flow of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as they can distract from your ideas. Proofread your work for small inaccuracies.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully identifies relevant problems caused by competition between younger and older individuals for jobs.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear progression of ideas that contribute to the overall argument regarding the importance of managing workplace competition.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and proposes actionable solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Unfulfilling job
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Financial stability
  • Job security
  • Societal norms
  • Career choices
  • Pursuing passion
  • Practicality
  • Personal growth
  • Skill development
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Work-life balance
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