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Band 4.5

Some people believe online reading materials should only be used for a child to learn to read, whereas others believe only printed material should be used. discuss both views and give your openion.

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In
this
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generation
Add a comma
generation,
show examples
 there are many ways of teaching our
children
Use synonyms
 in academics.
However
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, some people think that
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology should only
the
Add a missing verb
be the
show examples
way
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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, others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that printed materials believe that its the best
way
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
essay
essey
Add a comma
essey,
show examples
 I will discuss both topics and provide my own opinion. Nowadays, technology plays a crucial part in our daily life and it
is widely use
Change the verb form
is widely used
show examples
 in learning or teaching students.
In many
Change preposition
Many
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 primary schools
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
private
Correct article usage
the private
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 sector were
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 laptops,tablets and
projector
Fix the agreement mistake
projectors
show examples
 to teach their students which is very helpful and convenient. In
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 students easily access
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it and easy to understand specially if it
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 video type and explained
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
.
Besides
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, at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 younger age
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can learn how to operate new technology.
However
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,
this
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 approach has a drawback to
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 eyesight.
According to
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 health
specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
show examples
 constant and
prolong using
Replace the word
prolonged use
show examples
 of computers can impair eyesight.
Nevertheless
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, some steps should be
done
Verb problem
taken
show examples
 to avoid these effects like using
projector
Add an article
a projector
the projector
show examples
 and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 the
rigth
Correct your spelling
right
 distance.
On the other hand
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,
conventional
Add an article
a conventional
the conventional
show examples
way
Use synonyms
 which is printed
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 one
way
Use synonyms
 of informing
children
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 an old
fashion
Replace the word
fashioned
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
way
Use synonyms
. The other good thing about
this
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 is
children
Use synonyms
 learn to read books and write on paper.They can
also
Linking Words
Add a missing verb
be accessable
show examples
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 to everyone and bring it home for
further
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 studies. In my conclusion,In
this
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fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
generation
Add a comma
generation,
show examples
 I do believe that using both ways is essential for teaching a child.The teacher should balance the use of online materials and printed
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 for developing
Correct article usage
the academics
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academics
Change the noun form
academic
show examples
 knowledge of
children
Use synonyms
.By
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this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we can lessen the effects of radiation
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the eyes of
children
Use synonyms
.
Besides
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,instilling the traditional
way
Use synonyms
 of learning
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 printed materials is good
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 as well.

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Task Achievement
Consider revising your introduction to clearly present both sides of the argument and your own opinion in a concise manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphs more effectively to separate different ideas clearly. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main point.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments for both online and printed materials. This will strengthen your points and make your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and spelling. For instance, 'its' should be 'it's' when indicating 'it is', and 'essey' should be corrected to 'essay'.
Task Achievement
You addressed both perspectives on the issue, which is essential for this type of essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and the importance of balancing both methods of learning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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