IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Dangerous sports are increasingly popular with young people. Why are these spots so appealing to them? What measures should be taken to minimize the risks

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These days, many young people especially teenagers choose to be busy with extreme diversion. In
this
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 essay, I will explore why the community prefer to participate in dangerous sports and propose some solutions to minimize the risks. One of the main causes of the problem is that there are many shows and blogs which promote unsafe sports to society on social media and TV.
In other words
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, people who regularly participate in perilous training put videos of themselves on social media
such
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 as Instagram, YouTube or Facebook.
As a result
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, youngsters who watch these videos are hooked on risky activities. Another reason is that unsafe athletics like canyoning, Base jumping, or extreme pogo can increase the level of adrenaline in the blood which can lead to addiction. Namely,
this
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 type of attraction makes people addicted in the short term.
For example
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,
initially
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, my friend John was an amateur, today he is a professional athlete. There are several solutions for
this
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 tendency.
Firstly
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, establish restrictions to do extreme sports for those, who ages are under 18 or do not have enough physical conditions. Because invalids or humans who have less immune systems can get injuries during these activities and minors can not understand how perilous these actions are. Another solution is that the government should show statistics which assemble annual accidents to society. I believe
this
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 is the best way to remove obstacles. Because, after watching mournful events huge part of the community changes their own decision.
To sum up
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, it might be said that, these types of athletics lead to become invalid for many folk.
However
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, the way
that is
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 most effective for humans is to reduce stress and boost confidence. Personally, I think folk only get up to dangerous activities under control masters.

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Task Response
The introduction sets the context well, but it could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing it to draw the reader in more effectively. Also, ensure the terminology is precise; instead of 'diversion,' 'activities' or 'sports' would be clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point has clear examples or explanations supporting them. The example about your friend could be expanded upon to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the addiction aspect.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to add clear linking words to guide readers through your arguments. Phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'On the other hand' can help improve flow between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Response
The topic is relevant and touches upon an important issue that many young people face today.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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