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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message. (KLL)

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In some nations, people tell to
children
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 that they can accomplish what they want if they strive hard sufficiently.
This
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 essay will show that
while
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 there are some advantages
such
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 as preparing
children
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to
Change preposition
for
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 their
future
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 from now, different disadvantages like
kids
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' hurting themselves
with
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by
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 trying hard exist.
The first
Correct article usage
First
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 and foremost,
children
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 should be prepared
to
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for
show examples
 their next years consistently.
Consequently
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,
kids
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 do not do anything to improve themselves from
their
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a
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 small
ages
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age
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, they can
be encountered
Wrong verb form
encounter
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with
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apply
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some difficulties in the
future
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. Gaining experience
evantually
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eventually
 makes
children
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 more confident and convenient against
future
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 circumstances.
For example
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, if there is
the
Correct article usage
a
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comparement
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comparison
 between Azerbaijani and Spanish football players, Spanish ones are going to be
in
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at
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 a higher level than Azerbaijani players because compared with Azerbaijani footballers, Spanish players try hard from
their
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apply
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five or six ages for their
future
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 careers.
On the other hand
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,
kids
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 can have injuries if they try hard without considering their actions.
As a result
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,
children
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 are able to promise that they will
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
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 after a year. They can mix their working programmes with these aims.
Kids
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 are not adults,
hence
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 they can not see some obstacles and risks when they are on the way to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieving
 their goals.
For example
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, a child who wants to have great muscles is able to do a
six day
Add a hyphen
six-day
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 programme for only 2 days and it can cause
disappointed
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disappointing
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 circumstances. In conclusion,
children
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 have chances to attain
to
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apply
show examples
their aims if they try hard, but they should be careful for themselves because
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard work
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 is able to cause
to
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apply
show examples
awful results.

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coherence and cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences for each body paragraph to ensure that the reader understands the main point being discussed. Each paragraph should have a strong opening sentence.
task achievement
Ensure that each argument is fully developed with additional explanations or examples to strengthen your points. This will help clarify your ideas further.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, as refining your language will improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and the purpose of the essay, setting the stage for your arguments.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to illustrate your points, which adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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