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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information given.

The chart shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in selected countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information given.
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the bar chart shows the number of mobile phones and
landlines
Fix the agreement mistake
landline
show examples
 users for 100
people
Use synonyms
 from many
countries
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
, in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
Use synonyms
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to use mobile phones
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
a land lines
Correct the article-noun agreement
land lines
a land line
show examples
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a few
countries
Use synonyms
 like Canada,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and
Denmark
Use synonyms
are using
Wrong verb form
that use
show examples
land lines
Correct your spelling
landlines
show examples
 more than mobile phones.
according to
Linking Words
 the
countries
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shown the most
countries
Use synonyms
 use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 Italy
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
90
people
Use synonyms
 after that
became
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Sweden and they are very close to Italy
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 around 88 and
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
after that
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and
Denmark
Use synonyms
 are very similar to each other
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 80 to 85 all the
countries
Use synonyms
 Italy, Sweden, UK and
Denmark
Use synonyms
 are from 80 to 90
people
Use synonyms
 but now we will
se
Correct your spelling
see
use
 the lowest
countries
Use synonyms
 Germany by 70, US by almost 50 and
finally
Linking Words
 Canada by around 37
secondly
Linking Words
, for the
landlines
Fix the agreement mistake
landline
show examples
 users we can see the highest country use the landlines is
Denmark
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 almost 90 per 100
people
Use synonyms
 , and all the other
countries
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 under 70
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 after that become Sweden,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and Canada are very similar to each other
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 around 65 and after that become Germany by 60, UK for around 55 and
finally
Linking Words
 Italy the lowest country by landline users almost 50
people
Use synonyms

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, countries, denmark with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
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