IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

rr) In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Nowadays, even though there are many developments in agriculture, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 still do not have enough
food
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.
This
Linking Words
 problem
happen
Change the verb form
happens
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 because of some reasons like poor
food
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 distribution and poverty. There are
also
Linking Words
 some ways to solve it. First of all, one of the main reasons is
food
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 is not shared equally. In some countries, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a lot of
food
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 and even waste, but in others,
people
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 suffer from hunger. Sometimes,
food
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 cannot
be send
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be sent
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 to poor areas because of bad roads, no transport or no storage.
Also
Linking Words
, war and political problems can stop
food
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 from reaching the
people
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 who need it. Another reason is poverty. Even when
food
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 is in the market, poor
people
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 cannot buy it. Many
people
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 do not have
job
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jobs
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 or earn very low
salary
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salaries
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, so they can’t afford enough
food
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 for their families. Education is
also
Linking Words
 low in some places, so
people
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 don’t get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to work and
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
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 life. To solve
this
Linking Words
, governments and organisations should help poor areas with better transport and storage.
Also
Linking Words
, there should be programs to give
people
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 jobs or support small farmers to grow
food
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 in their own lands. When
people
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 earn money, they can buy
food
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 and live
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life. In conclusion, hunger is still a big problem because of bad
food
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 distribution and poverty. With good support and planning, we can make sure
people
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 get
food
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 and no one
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to suffer from hunger.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make your ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all ideas flow logically from one to another and use linking words where appropriate for better cohesion.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on your solution section. Expand on how support programs can be implemented effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The issue of hunger and its causes were clearly identified, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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