IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if the wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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belief that professional
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
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 and
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
 should serve the homeland
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 where they got
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 education
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others
opinion
Verb problem
believe
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 that it depends on their desire where they like to live. As both sides
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their own merits — I believe that
freedom
Use synonyms
 should be prioritized.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both opposing
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and explain why I agree with the former opinion. On the one hand,
highly-intellectual
Correct your spelling
highly intellectual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
 on
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 scale.
As a result
Linking Words
, it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
brain-drain
Correct your spelling
brain drain
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
country
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon came. Owing to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, the
country
Use synonyms
’s GDP
getting
Wrong verb form
is being
show examples
 impacted in
poor
Change the article
a poor
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 way. If these individuals
forced
Add a missing verb
are forced
show examples
 to stay in their
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
show examples
, it will unlikely increase the manpower
consequently
Linking Words
 increasing the GDP. As we all know the
country
Use synonyms
 North Korea is so severely strict about immigration and rules regarding leaving the
country
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 professionals not leaving the
country
Use synonyms
 and boosting the growth of their own homeland.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of
freedom
Use synonyms
 is
valuable
Add an article
a valuable
show examples
 thing plenty of people aim to achieve. As the individual who worked really hard to get to
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 stage of his or her
life
Use synonyms
, he
desire
Change the verb form
desires
show examples
 the
freedom
Use synonyms
 of choice where he/she should spend his/her
life
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 the grand exposure to diverse
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 can build up one’s
life
Use synonyms
 experience and career.
For instance
Linking Words
, numerous amounts of people immigrate to Silicon Valley to launch their
startup
Fix the agreement mistake
startups
show examples
 and make new
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Although
Linking Words
 mass immigration of people to the other
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
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 GDP, I believe a sense of
freedom
Use synonyms
 can flourish the
life
Use synonyms
 of
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
 in numerous ways.

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coherence and cohesion
An introduction should clearly outline the main arguments and state your opinion more explicitly.
task achievement
Make sure to clarify your ideas and arguments with more detailed explanations and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the connection between sentences and ideas within paragraphs for better flow.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument and maintained a clear stance in your conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally relevant to the topic and show an understanding of key issues.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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