IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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raising
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rising
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 significantly these days that it is beneficial for dwellers if a
nation
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providing
Wrong verb form
provides
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food
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 and
limiting
Wrong verb form
limits
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 the importation as much as possible. In my perspective, I disagree with
this
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 statement. On the one hand, I believe that it will pose a detrimental threat to that
nation
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due to
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On the other hand
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, there are several benefits of
this
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 suggestion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it will contribute to reduce the
percent
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per cent
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 of poverty and help them to have a better life. With the support of
government
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the government
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, their quality of life will be enhanced,
this
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 leads to the chance to pursue occupation and dreams.
Also
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years, the tax
of import
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on imported
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 goods was
raise
Wrong verb form
raised
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, the
price
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prices
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 were costly and the profits were
little
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low
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. For
instant
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instance
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, in Africa, many
voluteers
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volunteers
 travelled
to
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apply
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there, provided cutting-edge devices, provided
food
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 and
aquired
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acquired
 knowledge
how
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of how
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 to grow vegetables to meet their demand. On the one hand, I believe that it will pose a detrimental threat to that
nation
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due to
Linking Words
 various factors. The first reason is people depend on
taxes
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tax
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 revenues and do not want to go to work or seek jobs. Without the desire
of going
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to go
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 to work to adapt
their
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to their
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 basic need,
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and being
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being
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be
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 satisfied with the
food
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 and items provided, the growth of the proportion of public retired will make the country suffer from
hard
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a hard
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 period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government have to face
with
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apply
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a serious number of unemployed and poverty, causing a dramatic decrease
of
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in
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 the
economic
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economy
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 and creating a
numerous
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large
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 amount of human
become
Verb problem
apply
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budget
to
Change preposition
for
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 that
nation
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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globalization, a
nation
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 to
corporate
Verb problem
cooperate
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 with others to push their economy, improve their products and buy items that they cannot
self-provided
Correct your spelling
self-provide
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. In conclusion, in spite of its advantages, I still disagree with the idea that
food
Use synonyms
 should be produced and reduced to import to other nations.

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task achievement
Your introduction outlines your position, but try to provide a clearer overview of your main points that you will discuss. It will help set expectations for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs have clear topic sentences and linked ideas. For instance, you introduce two main sides of the argument, but the transition between them could be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are lengthy and could be restructured for clarity. Breaking them down into shorter sentences might enhance readability.
task achievement
You presented a clear disagreement with the idea suggesting a self-sufficient food policy, which is important in establishing your stance.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the situation in Africa, demonstrates an effort to back your claims with relevant details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • food security
  • domestic production
  • import dependency
  • political instability
  • sustainability
  • carbon footprint
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • comparative advantage
  • agricultural methods
  • local economies
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