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Writing Samples
Band 7

Social media is popular and used by many people. However, some people think that social media can be bad for mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the idea. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

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Social
media
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 has become a big part of our daily lives.
While
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 it helps
people
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 stay connected and share information, some
people
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 believe it can have a negative effect on mental
health
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. Mostly
this
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 essay will agree with
this
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 idea,
although
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 there are some benefits as well. On the one hand, social
media
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 can be harmful to mental
health
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. Many individuals compare their lives to others online, which can make them feel sad or insecure.
For example
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, someone might see pictures of their friends on holiday and feel unhappy about their own life.
Also
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, the young generation often tries to get more likes and comments, which can cause stress and anxiety. In some cases, online bullying
also
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 happens on social
media
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, which can lead to depression.
On the other hand
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, social
media
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 can
also
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 have positive effects. It helps societies stay in touch with friends and family, especially if they live far away.
For instance
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, the population used social
media
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 to connect and support each other. It can be a place to learn new things or find groups with similar interests as well, which can make
people
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 feel less lonely. In my opinion, social
media
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 is not bad by itself, but the way humans use it can affect their mental
health
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. If humanity spends too much time online or focuses only on getting attention, it can become a problem.
However
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, if used carefully and in moderation, it can be helpful. In conclusion,
whilist
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while
 social
media
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 has some benefits, I believe it can negatively affect mental
health
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 if
people
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 are not careful. It is important to use it wisely and take breaks when needed.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more thorough exploration of the negative impacts of social media, such as discussing psychological research or statistics.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, perhaps by summarizing the previous point before introducing the next one.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples and personal insights, particularly regarding the influence of social media during the COVID-19 pandemic, which strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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