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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activites which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree?

Since humans are
naturaly
Correct your spelling
naturally
 social creatures, it is claimed that collective
activities
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 are more instructive than individual
activities
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 for they improve significant
skills
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 in order to
life
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live
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. In my opinion,
this
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 suppose is completely true.
This
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 essay will outline why
group
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activities
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 are more instructive than individual
activities
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.
Firstly
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,
group
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activities
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 can involve all parts of the brain
eather
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whether
 they are responsible for social
activities
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 or individual
activities
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.
Admitedly
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Admittedly
, Every
group
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 task can be broken into some
subtaskes
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subtasks
sub tasks
 which some of them improve
inter personal
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interpersonal
show examples
skills
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 and others
develoap
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develop
 individual
skills
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.
For instance
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, playing football as a
group
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 activity can improve running
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 as
a
Correct article usage
an
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 individual
skill
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 and teamwork as a plural
skill
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.
Secondly
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, collective
activites
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activities
increase
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self-confidence
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. In fact, most people when are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of a
group
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 feel self-worth which can
increase
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 their
self-confidence
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.
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for
Capitalize word
For
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 example, getting
Correct article usage
a role
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role
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roles
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children in a school
theater
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theatre
show examples
 can
increase
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 their
self-confidence
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 to speak for audiences without
scare
Add an article
a scare
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. As a
resulte
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result
,
it is clear that
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 plural
activities
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 can affect
on
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apply
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multisides and
increase
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self-confidence
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 as a prerequisite for doing everything.
On the other hand
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, it is claimed that some members of the
group
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alwayes
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are always
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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ignored by others
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 directly affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their learning process.
For instance
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, students who are ignored by their classmates
alwayse
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always
 gain less score
in
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on
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 exams than others.
However
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, ignoring some members
in
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of
show examples
 the
group
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 is not an inherent problem and it backs to
lack
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a lack
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 of leadership
skills
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 as an individual
skill
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 in the teacher of the class or the leader of the team. In conclusion,
group
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activities
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 can improve impressive
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life and people who suppose individual
activities
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 can be more efficient are in a big mistake and do not understand how plural
activities
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 can affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both sides of a human at the same time. I deeply believe that collective
activities
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 can teach people enough
skills
Use synonyms
 resulting in having a better life.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively. This will help improve the overall logical flow of your essay.
language accuracy
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors, as these can detract from your overall score. For example, 'eather' should be 'either' and 'admitedly' should be 'admittedly'.
task achievement
Develop your points further by providing more specific examples or explanations that illustrate your main arguments. For instance, expanding on how teamwork in football specifically develops skills can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and includes a structured argument outlining the benefits of group activities over individual ones.
task achievement
You've included logical reasoning and examples to support your points, which reflect a good understanding of the topic.
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