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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others suggest that the circumstances of a crime, and the reasons for committing it, should be taken into consideration when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that
crime
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 is a worldwide issue, and each country has its own laws to rule its people.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that there should be fixed punishments for each type of them, there is
also
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 an argument that the
circumstances
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 of a
crime
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, and the reasons behind them, should be taken into consideration when deciding on the punishment.
To begin
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 with, some people believe that deciding a fixed punishment for each
crime
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 is fairer,
while
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this
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 idea can simplify the court process in ruling because the decision is already made.
In other words
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,
this
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 idea will eliminate the role of the court, because judges will not be able to make their own judgment about any
crime
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 even if the
circumstances
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 were on the side of the
person
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 who committed the
crime
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.
For example
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, if a teenager gets abused by his father and decides to defend himself by fighting back, if the father decides to file a case against his son, there will be a huge probability that
this
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person
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 will get misjudgment.
On the other hand
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, many individuals say that
circumstances
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 should be considered as the reasons behind committing the
crime
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. It is possible to say that every
person
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 deserves to be defended no matter what he did because paying attention to every detail will improve the
accurcy
Correct your spelling
accuracy
 of the judgment.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will help the governments to be fairer about the way they rule their country by achieving justice in the best possible way.
For example
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, if a man who has mental issues decides to commit a
crime
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, the court should not treat him like a normal
person
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 because he is in an abnormal condition. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that the best way to seek justice can be achieved by considering the
circumstances
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 and the details.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your main points to provide more depth and detail, ensuring that each point is fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your arguments by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. You might use more linking phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you proofread for minor grammatical inaccuracies (e.g., 'the role of the court, because judges will not be able to make their own judgment' could be rephrased for clarity).
task achievement
You presented a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
task achievement
Your use of examples to illustrate your points adds value and strengthens your arguments, especially with the examples given.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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