IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some people say that human activities on earth are better but some are against it. what is your opinion.

#people #activities #earth
In
this
 modern era, there has been a rise in human activities on the
earth
due to
 which our planet is getting harmed day by day. But some think that it is better to have more experiments which makes the
earth
 a better place to live. I personally believe that
this
 type of activity directly affects the
earth
 in the form of
pollution
 and resource depletion. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 viewpoint in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there is a number of reasons which are affecting the
earth
 and the most prominent one is
pollution
. There are different types of
pollution
 affecting the life of society
such
 as air,
water
 and noise
pollution
 and so on.
Due to
 the advancement in technology, the production of new cars is increasing on a daily basis which
further
 encourages individuals to buy new vehicles.
As a result
, it leads to a rise in air
pollution
 which directly affects the environment causing health problems.
Secondly
, the population is rising at a peak which directly results in the depletion of resources. The
water
 level is getting lower
due to
 its more wastage by human beings.
For example
, the factories are throwing waste into the rivers which directly pollutes the
water
 not only making it dirty but
also
 killing the
species
 in the
water
.
Moreover
,
due to
 the high demand for luxurious houses, the government is cutting more and more trees to make space
also
 resulting in the extinction of
species
 from
Earth
.
For instance
, as per
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
 York Times, the panda
species
 are on the verge of extinction
due to
 deforestation.
However
,
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to variety of experiments on
Earth
 helps to research new things but the rise in the temperature
as a result
 of global warming affects the life on
Earth
 as well. In conclusion,
although
 human activities help to figure out something better, the change in climate
due to
 global warming and
species
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
at the end
 of extinction is far more important than new research.
Submitted by sunnygarg710 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences related to that idea. In the essay, the introduction is present and sets up the topic, but could provide a clearer thesis statement. The body paragraphs present reasons, but the support could be more specific and detailed. The conclusion restates the writer's viewpoint but should also summarize the main points made in the essay.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. The essay should provide a balanced view or a clear opinion responding to the prompt. In your case, make sure to explore both views (the positive and negative impacts of human activities) while clearly stating your own position. Provide specific examples to support your claims and develop your argument comprehensively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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