Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think the education will not work. Disscuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent years, there has been an increasing concern about people's health who are consuming excessive
amount
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amounts
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of unhealthy food. Some argue that providing education can mitigate
this
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problem as
public
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the public
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will know the negative effects of
unhealthy
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an unhealthy
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diet on their body.
However
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, opponents oppose that providing education will not be sufficient to tackle
this
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issue. On the one hand, proponents who believe that education should be provided to control bad eating habits argue that schools must organize events to teach students the right knowledge of vegetables and fruits that hold the essential proteins and other sources required for human body growth.
Along with
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this
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this,
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they must teach them about the causes of consuming junk snacks
such
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as chips, chocolates, and cold drinks.
For instance
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, obesity is one of the major effects on health especially in children.
Moreover
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, in the USA, around 62% of the community is overweight out of them almost 47% are school-going youngsters. They state that
this
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is
due to
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unawareness of the health issues
besides
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these tasty snacks.
On the other hand
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, individuals believe that delivering knowledge will not have any effect on
this
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growing problem. To alleviate
this
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concer
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concern
, the government should take some initiatives by enforcing laws for snack production companies that they cannot add more than 40% artificial sugar.
For example
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, an international
ice-cream
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ice cream
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brand (Baskin-Robbins) has about 62% of added sugar.
Also
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, individuals play a crucial role in maintaining their lifestyles by scheduling exercise in their routine.
Furthermore
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, the higher authorities should provide funds to recreation centres so that pupils can participate in various fitness activities without any burden of high charges. In conclusion,
although
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organising awareness camps can help to reduce the negative
effect
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effects
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on people's lives
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while
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apply
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supporting them to have enough exercise can have
a
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apply
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long-term
benefit
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benefits
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.
According to
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my perspective,
the
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apply
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society should take care of their consuming habits
as well as
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the government should establish more affordable local fitness centres for the community.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by including additional arguments or counterarguments for both sides, as well as ensuring each point directly supports your central argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly transition between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow. Use linking phrases to connect your main points more seamlessly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well and provides distinct arguments for both sides of the discussion.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as statistics on obesity rates and specific brands, adds credibility to your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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