IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
competition
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 is great, whether it is in the
workplace
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 or in everyday life. Others believe that
cooperation
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 would be better. From my perspective, even though
competition
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 can
hance
Verb problem
hinder
show examples
 individuals' abilities in the
workplace
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, we should encourage
people
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 to cooperate with each other. On the one hand,
competition
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 can improve our skills at work. It is evident that
competition
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 is everywhere. If we want to acquire higher salaries and positions in the
workplace
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, we need to meet the expectations
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the managers or clients. In
this
Linking Words
 situation,
people
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 who can achieve the requests can gain more rewards.
Consequently
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,
competition
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 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way can
puch
Correct your spelling
push
 employees to step out
their
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of their
show examples
 comfort zone and master more expertise,
such
Linking Words
 as high-level computer skills,
effective
Correct word choice
and effective
show examples
 communication management, which can, in turn, improve these
people
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's productivity in the
workplace
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.
Therefore
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,
competition
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 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way should be encouraged.
On the other hand
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,
cooperation
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enable
Change the verb form
enables
show examples
 us to achieve
success
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 more easily. A single person, without any help, may hard to achieve any goal in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society because they cannot master any skills or resources for
success
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, embracing
cooperation
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 and working as a
team
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 could make us stronger, and have more abilities and resources to deal with difficulties and risks.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is impossible to address the issue of the greenhouse effect by relying on one country.
Instead
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, all the countries
in
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on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 planet should come together and devote their
efferts
Correct your spelling
efforts
, which is
cooperation
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 during the process. Another example is project management.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 numerous members within a
team
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. Without
the
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apply
show examples
cooperation
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 and trust, only
emphisizing
Correct your spelling
emphasising
 the
competition
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,
this
Linking Words
team
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are
Verb problem
will
show examples
 not able to reach any milestones during the schedule, not even
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
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.
Hence
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, no matter
it
Correct word choice
whether it
show examples
 is globalization or within a project
team
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,
cooperation
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 plays a
crutial
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
 role in it. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 we need
competition
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 to improve productivity in the
workplace
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,
cooperation
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 is more important for us.
Due to
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 our limited abilities for many goals,
cooperation
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 is a more wise and beneficial choice towards
success
Use synonyms
.

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Language use
There are some minor grammatical errors in the essay that can be improved for clarity. For example, 'hance' should be 'enhance', and 'puch' should be 'push'. Make sure to proofread your work carefully.
Content development
The essay presents strong points but could benefit from more distinct examples. While the examples provided are relevant, further detail and explanation could enhance your argument.
Content structure
The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives and your stance, setting a clear direction for the essay.
Argument clarity
You effectively highlight the importance of both competition and cooperation with relevant examples, showcasing your understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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