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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?

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Nowadays, parents of today are much more educated and disciplined than parents of past generations. They put
success
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 and discipline in first place in their
children
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’s lives. They always want their
children
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 to obtain it in order to secure them a safe future. Yet, it has numerous effects on the child’s development. Some of them are positive and some are negative. Life was just simply easy in the past. When it comes to terms of
success
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, the only kind of
success
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 that was considerable is
genders
Correct article usage
the genders
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 playing their roles properly. Women used to cook for their families, take care of their babies and do their chores. Men were relied on to bring some food to the table and to come home
safe
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safely
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. It was filtered that way. Academic
success
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 was no
such
Linking Words
 thing at the moment, yet it developed over time. Studies have proven that after
world
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the world
a world
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 war, families who have one or more academics highly succeeded in escaping the war field and starting a new life.
However
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, families who were dependent on themselves were most likely to die. In
this
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 era, caregivers subconsciously tend to put a lot of pressure on their own
children
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 to accomplish
success
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 and independence, just to make sure they are going to live a healthy life after they are gone. Most significantly, a study by a Brazilian psychologist mentioned that continuous pressure on
children
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 may lead to anxiety disorders and in some cases depression. I am a firm believer that urging
children
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 to achieve
success
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 in their youth is highly important.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, keeping
balance
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a balance
the balance
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 between their innocence and the process of learning is highly effective. Actions

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the clarity of your arguments by ensuring that each paragraph revolves around a single main idea, consistently supporting it with details and examples.
Task Achievement
Consider providing a more defined conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance clearly, which would help in creating a lasting impression.
Task Achievement
Try to incorporate specific examples or studies that directly support your arguments regarding the effects of parental pressure on children, as this will improve the relevance of your examples.
Task Achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and present thoughts that reflect both sides of the debate, showing a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay flows relatively well, with a noticeable structure of introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
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