In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for government. Other people think there are benefit if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays there is widespread debate about the increase of the average human’s life expectancy. Some people believe that it's an issue for the younger population and the government.
While
Linking Words
others disagree and say that it brings benefits to society. I will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population and argue why the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The primary benefit of humans living longer is individuals achieve more for humanity.
This
Linking Words
means that when active individuals have a long life,
this
Linking Words
allows
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have enough time to provide for society with their practical work,
such
Linking Words
as doctors, scientists, or even successful politicians.
For example
Linking Words
, the great scientist Albert Einstein revolutionised the field of physics and helped the world solve its puzzles.
However
Linking Words
, if he had lived longer, we could have benefited more from his brilliant mind. On the flip side, having a significant proportion of older people in a country may lead to unemployment for younger adults.
This
Linking Words
is because elderly people have stronger careers and experience, leading them to dominate the majority of employment opportunities and critical decision-making positions.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
systematic shift could effectively marginalise younger job seekers, denying them access to desirable work opportunities.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent research shows that the increase in older workers restricts youth employment. In summary, increased demographic longevity may affect employment for younger adults
due to
Linking Words
increased competition in the job market.
However
Linking Words
, I contend that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because having experienced elderly workers is crucial, particularly in specialized fields like healthcare and scientific research. Their decades of expertise not only ensure institutional continuity but
also
Linking Words
provide invaluable mentorship for younger professionals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and provides a clear thesis statement. However, try to rephrase the last sentence to strengthen your argument. For example, instead of saying 'argue why the benefits outweigh the drawbacks', you could state 'assert that the benefits significantly outweigh the drawbacks'. This makes your position clearer right from the start.
task achievement
While the ideas presented are solid, consider further elaboration on the points. For example, the mention of Einstein is a great historical reference, but drawing a direct connection between his longer life and societal benefits could enhance understanding. More specific examples could help clarify your points further.
coherence and cohesion
The essay flows well between paragraphs, with clear transitions. However, ensure that each main point is fully developed before moving to the next. For instance, while the drawback of elderly workers in the job market is mentioned, you could add additional detail on how governments can mitigate this issue to show a broader understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments presented. To improve, you might consider adding a final thought or call to action related to managing the ageing population in society, which could provide a stronger closing impression.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, addressing both sides of the argument effectively, which contributes to your Task Achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas, which enhances readability and comprehension.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: