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Band 4.5

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Beka

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Social media usage is taking the place of in-person
communication
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 for many individuals in society.There
some
Add a missing verb
are some
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 advantages
such
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 as
communication
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 at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 distance, but excessive use of online
communication
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 can lead to isolation, in my opinion , the drawbacks
of
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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outweigh
it’s
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its
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 benefits. Online
communication
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 has several advantages , in the form of
communication
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 over a long distance. After all, everyone in life has situations when you can not meet a person close to you, online
communication
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 helps to fix
this
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. Since you can contact anyone and anywhere. Now with the improvement of
technology
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technology,
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this
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 does not cause any problems, now contacting someone from the other end of the world has become easier than ever.
This
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 greatly helps to overcome loneliness.
For example
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, if a person has moved to another country and is lonely, he can always write to his loved ones.
On the other hand
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 , there are obvious downsides to online
communication
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excessive use of it can result in aloneness. Many
people
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 using social networks once, will use only them for
communication
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, as they are too shy to communicate live.
This
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 is all connected with psychology, some
people
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 are unsure of themselves,
because
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and because
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 of
this
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 they are very afraid to establish contact with other
people
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, which greatly hinders them in life.
Instead
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 of solving
this
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 problem, many
people
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 get into social networks and communicate with other
people
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 only through them. Which has a very detrimental effect on their psychological state.
For example
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,
this
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 can even affect their studies or work in the future,
such
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people
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 may simply not achieve anything in life because of their insecurity and lack of
communication
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 skills. In conclusion, for a large part of society, social media is becoming a replacement for meeting and talking in person.
Although
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,
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apply
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people
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 can talk to each other in different places, they may feel alone. So
i
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I
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 believe that
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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 outweigh
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
.

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content
Your essay addresses the prompt, but the arguments could be more developed and clear. Make sure each point is fully articulated with supporting examples.
structure
Pay attention to the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas transition smoothly from one to the next.
language
Work on improving your sentence structure and variety. There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be improved for clarity.
content
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of social media, which shows a balanced view of the topic.
content
You provide relevant examples to support your points, especially regarding feelings of loneliness and the impact on communication skills.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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