IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that online education is as effective as traditional classroom education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

here
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There
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 is no doubt these days that primary and secondary schools are the perfect place to learn foreign languages for many learners.
However
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, there are different views on whether children should start learning a foreign
language
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 at primary
school
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. I strongly agree
that
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with that
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.
This
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 essay will discuss several reasons to choose
this
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 type
os
Correct your spelling
of
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school
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 to learn a new accent. one major reason support
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children begin learning a foreign
language
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 at primary
school
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 is the professional teachers in
this
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school
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 today. There are many educational qualifications with teachers at Primary
school
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.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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English
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 certification.
As a result
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, students will obtain a lot of knowledge on how
contact
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to contact
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with
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apply
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other
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others
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 effectively in
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English
Change the article
the English
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language
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.
For example
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, my brother had a new accent when he travelled to a United Kingdom
school
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last
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 year. He often
used
Wrong verb form
uses
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 to
English
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language
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 rather than Arabic when he talks with others .
This
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 is because he got academic vocabulary and words in order to create a dialogue with his relatives or families. So, these schools have advanced teachers to
learn
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teach
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 pupils languages.
In addition
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, primary schools offer various curriculums that help students develop their
English
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 skills.
English
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 textbooks,
for example
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, include important tasks and practices that enable young learners to understand complex aspects of the
language
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.
For instance
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, my sister, who is currently studying in an American
school
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, benefited greatly from early exposure to
English
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 textbooks that focused on reading comprehension and writing tasks.
As a result
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, she is now able to complete her engineering assignments more confidently.
Therefore
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, these resources at the primary
school
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 level provide an effective method for learning a foreign
language
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 In conclusion, secondary
school
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 is perfect for studying
language
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.
However
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, I think that primary
school
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 is the most important for all students who would learn a foreign
language
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. It has a dramatic aspect to obtain information and to be a professional learner in the future.

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task achievement
The introduction was somewhat clear but could be rephrased for clarity. Consider providing a more definitive thesis statement that includes your main argument more explicitly.
task achievement
Make sure to develop your ideas more fully to support your main points. You could include more details or explanations that connect your examples more directly to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there's a smoother flow between your paragraphs. Using linking phrases or transitions can help the reader understand how the ideas relate to each other more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, reiterate your main arguments succinctly and emphasize the significance of your position more clearly, rather than introducing new ideas.
task achievement
You have provided personal examples, which can make your argument more relatable and engaging.
task achievement
Your recognition of the role of professional teachers in primary education is a strong point that adds weight to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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