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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows the number of hours worked per week by men an women in Australia

The bar chart shows the number of hours worked per week by men an women in Australia
The bar chart compares the Australian
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in terms of working
hours
Use synonyms
 during a
week
Use synonyms
 in 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, most males and females spend 30-50
hours
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
 working,
whereas
Linking Words
 fewer people work for 0-10 and 80+
hours
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 2007, 5% of
women
Use synonyms
 had a job with 0-10 working
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 was three times more had the same job conditions.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in the 10-20
hours
Use synonyms
, approximately 12% of females and nearly 22% of males worked for 10-20
hours
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the majority of both genders worked between 30 and 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
, with around 45% of
men
Use synonyms
 and just under 40% of
women
Use synonyms
 working in
this
Linking Words
 category.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 30% of
men
Use synonyms
 worked 60-80
hours
Use synonyms
 weekly, the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 was considerably lower, standing at about 20%. Interestingly, when it comes to working over 80
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
, both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 had
Correct article usage
an
show examples
equal proportion, with 10% of each gender recorded in
this
Linking Words
 category.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, hours, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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