IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists and not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract local people? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that historical buildings and venues are of popular appeal to visitors and rather less interesting to the residents of the city.
While
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 there are many reasons for
this
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 situation, there are
also
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 a variety of things that can be done to address the case. In
this
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essay
easy
eassy
Add a comma
eassy,
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 we will be
dicussing
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discussing
 the causes
for
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of
show examples
this
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 issue, and suggest solutions to overcome the problem. In terms of the causes,
this
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 can be
cateragorized
Correct your spelling
categorised
 into two parts: The high charge
of
Change preposition
for
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 tickets to visit the galleries. The lack of renewed facilities and areas with
historical
Change the word
historically
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 preserved items that
corresponds
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correspond
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 with the local heritage of the city.
In addition
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, to the
inflexiblity
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inflexibility
 of the visiting schedule
hours
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 throughout the week.
However
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,
people
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 visiting the city for the first
time
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 will likely go and pay a visit to the ancient buildings and galleries regardless of the ticket fee. Locals
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on
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, on
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 the other hand, are not interested in visiting cultural sites from the past that are neglected by the officials and do not
excit
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excite
 them to keep coming from
time
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 to
time
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,
especilly
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especially
 with the restricted opening
hours
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 and countless closing for
maintance
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maintenance
.
Hence
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,
consequently
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 leading citizens to look for other areas to spend
time
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at
Change preposition
in
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.
Nevertheless
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, there are many things that can be done to attract residents of the state.
For instance
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, governments
subsidizing
Wrong verb form
subsidise
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 the ticket fee to locals, making it free of charge to students and children. Incorporating educational and fun activities in
musuems
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museums
, galleries etc to seek more attention from all members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Campigns
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Campaigns
,
advertisements
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and advertisements
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 to help
people
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 get an idea about the different projects that the
counsel
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council
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 is
caring
Verb problem
carrying
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 out in developing facilitates,
introducting
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introducing
 modern sustainable infrastructural changes to preserve and help citizens engage more with their ancient heritage.
Moreover
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, making opening
hours
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 to various functions flexible
throughtout
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throughout
 the week to allow easier access to
people
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. The more care is taken to preserve the historical sites the more likely
people
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 would like to engage. In conclusion, despite the increased ticket fares, neglection to preserve the historical sites and inflexible opening
hours
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 for citizens, there are majors that can be taken to resolve it.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 includes, subsidizing entrance fees,
introducting eduacational
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introducing educational
 and fun
activties
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activities
, having
campagins
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 to advertise the
developements
Correct your spelling
developments
development
 that the officials are undergoing and including flexible
hours
Use synonyms
 for visits would be of benefit to allow
people
Use synonyms
enjoy
Fix the infinitive
to enjoy
show examples
 and celebrate their heritage whenever they please.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task by outlining reasons for the lack of local visitors to museums and suggesting various solutions. However, it could benefit from clearer development of your ideas and more concrete examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Sometimes, the transitions between sentences and paragraphs can be smoother to improve coherence. Make sure each paragraph clearly supports the main argument of your essay.
language quality
Pay attention to grammar and spelling; there are several inaccuracies that detract from the overall quality of your writing. Proofreading your work before submission can help catch these errors.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the question and provided relevant reasons and suggestions. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction outlines the essay's purpose clearly, which helps set the reader's expectations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • tourist attractions
  • interactive exhibits
  • perception
  • civic pride
  • engagement
  • community outreach
  • curate
  • cultural institutions
  • historical significance
  • sustainable tourism
  • resident benefits
  • local patronage
  • preserve
  • educational initiatives
What to do next:
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