IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays many people havie an unhealthy diet and do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons behind this trend? How can we encourage these people to live a healthy lifestyle?

It is true that we live in an era when most
people
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 are not engaging in a healthy
lifestyle
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, neither their dietary choices
,
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apply
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 nor their physical activity level are optimal.
While
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 today’s busy world might be the greatest contributing factor, there are many other aspects to
this
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 phenomenon, which should be carefully approached. One reason that metabolic diseases have recently skyrocketed, is the fact that
people
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 are so overwhelmed with their hectic daily routine, that they resort to convenience
food
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 and low-impact activities to relax. There is nothing more convenient than ordering fast
food
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 and eating it
while
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 scrolling through social media.
Additionally
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, buying nutritious
food
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 items like vegetables, fruits and meat, is often times costly and time-consuming and the same goes for gym memberships.
Furthermore
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, many of these issues arise from a lack of knowledge and awareness on the subject. If individuals know the unfortunate ending that proceeding with these
lifestyle
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 choices can bring upon them, they might be more enthusiastic to make alterations to it.
This
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 is
achieveble
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achievable
achieved
 if media outlets commit to raising the masses’ awareness regarding these topics .
Moreover
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, the government should intervene as well,
through
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by
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 subsidizing nutritious ingredients to make them more affordable, providing healthier fast
food
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 alternatives and encouraging
lifestyle
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 modifications through taxation rewards for
people
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 who engage in physically demanding exercises. In conclusion, I would argue that most
people
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 are going through a difficult time and they do not have time or energy to make better
lifestyle
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 choices.
However
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, it is on the government to educate them and simultaneously facilitate and encourage adopting healthier habits.

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task achievement
Your essay covers the main points well; however, you could enhance your points with more specific examples or further elaboration to make your arguments more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. For instance, transitions between ideas can help in linking the paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
The clear identification of the reasons behind unhealthy lifestyle choices demonstrates strong task response skills and understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion is well-formulated, summarizing your main points concisely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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