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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the numer of new shops that opened in one coutry between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the numer of new shops that opened in one coutry between 2011 and 2018.
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The line graph, which has been provided below, demonstrates the details of the
businesses
Use synonyms
 that closed and those that opened in one specific country between the years 2011 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed from the results that there are fluctuations in the sectors in terms of opening and closing
businesses
Use synonyms
. Looking at the data more closely, closed
shops
Use synonyms
 were less than 7000,
while
Linking Words
 openings remained almost the greatest number, which is approximately 8500.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, newly opened places showed a significant decline in 2012, which was 4000. Since that point, the number of
shops
Use synonyms
 has increased to almost 6000 in 2014.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2015, the number of
shops
Use synonyms
 reached its lowest point, which was less than 1000, and a gradual increase was seen to almost 5000
shops
Use synonyms
 in 2016.
Besides
Linking Words
, over the period, closed
businesses
Use synonyms
 followed a constant performance until 2018, which was around 5000
shops
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it can be pointed out that
while
Linking Words
 openings of
such
Linking Words
shops
Use synonyms
 maintained their popularity throughout the given period, closed
businesses
Use synonyms
 underwent different changes.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words businesses, shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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