IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Society has long debated whether certain jobs are naturally more suitable for men or women
due to
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 perceived differences in their qualities.
While
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 some people believe that
gender
Use synonyms
 determines professional role. I strongly disagree with
this
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 view, as I think that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 education, experience, and personal experience shape abilities and skills for any career opportunity.
To begin
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 with, there is an old, outdated stereotype - certain jobs are
gender
Use synonyms
-specific based on their responsibilities.
For example
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, nursing and teaching have traditionally been associated with women,
while
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 engineering and construction are often seen as male domains.
However
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, these assumptions ignore individual capabilities. In many professions ,
such
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 as space engineering or leadership in
politics
Punctuation problem
politics,
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 have been dominated by young females,
whereas
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 males have proven to be outstanding caregivers and educators. Restricting jobs based on
gender
Use synonyms
 limits opportunities and undermines talent.
Furthermore
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, in modern society, both sexes have access to education and training in any field. With equal opportunities, an individual’s creativity, dedication, and skills determine their suitability for professions rather than their sexuality. To illustrate it, ladies now work successfully as CEOs, pilots, and software engineers, whitest gentlemen thrive in nursing, early childhood education, and hospitality.
Such
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 examples clearly demonstrate that sex roles should not dictate career responsibilities.
Additionally
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, promoting
gender
Use synonyms
 equality in the organisation has practical advantages. They benefit from diverse perspectives, which improve decision-making and innovation. Assigning duties based on their ability proves that workplaces are fair and productive. In conclusion, professional occupations should be defined by an individual’s expertise rather than
Use synonyms
gender
Correct pronoun usage
their gender
show examples
 perspective. Institutions, creativity, and proficiency are far more important factors, and society should encourage all persons to follow any career they are capable of.

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grammar
Fix the grammar in the first paragraph and make the intro clear. Use full sentences.
coherence
Link ideas with smooth transitions. Use more linking words like also, but, and, for example.
content
Give more clear examples and keep facts simple. Avoid long phrases that are hard to read.
task response
Clear stance against bias is seen through the essay.
focus
The idea of equal chance for education and job is clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
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