Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many individuals believe that
pollution
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is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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illness and disease,
also
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governments
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have to take steps to solve
this
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problem by
prevent of
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I completely agree with
this
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notion because
governments
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have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
major control of their countries. I think
this
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is
useful
Correct article usage
a useful
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idea because
pollution
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undoubtedly is a bad factor that
lead
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leads
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to
plentty
Correct your spelling
plenty
issues
Change preposition
of issues
show examples
but to avoid going out of the topic, it causes namerous of diseases which makes solving
is
Correct your spelling
it
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crucial.
Consequently
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, if
governments
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principle strict rules the issue would clearly decrease.
For example
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries
where
Correct word choice
that
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have weak
governments
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pollution
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often
be rise
Wrong verb form
rises
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.
Moreover
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, people
also
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carry a heavy amount of responsibility to
maintain
Verb problem
keep
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their spaces clear and cover their
mouth
Fix the agreement mistake
mouths
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if they have a cough. But these things cannot apply in a community without legal intervention that makes humans commit to the
insractures
Correct your spelling
fractures
contractures
.
For instance
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, in Saudi Arabia, there is a law that says if anyone throws their trash on a street there are cameras
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
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take a photo of the person
then
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they have to pay a fee. Personally, I believe
this
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law has been reducing
pollution
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which makes separating illness more slowly. For these motivations, I really accept
this
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concept and I support that
governments
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have abilities to do several things to stop or at least reduce environmental
pollution
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, residents cannot do them solely. Even if locals decide to help they need some laws to force all to follow them.
Finally
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, I strongly agree and I hope
governments
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can find effective solutions to
be
Verb problem
make
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the world more safer place.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction outlines a clear perspective, but it could benefit from a more direct statement of your main argument. Try to clearly indicate your stance immediately at the beginning. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve overall flow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are unclear and can confuse the reader, especially in complex ideas. Aim for clearer sentence structures and avoid long, convoluted sentences. Breaking them into shorter phrases can enhance readability.
task achievement
While you provide relevant examples, they could be better integrated into the argument. Use transitions to show how examples support your main points more convincingly and ensure that the examples clearly relate back to your thesis.
task achievement
Consider revising phrases for clarity and correctness. For example, replace 'the main reason of illness' with 'the main cause of illness' and 'prevent of pollution' with 'prevent pollution'. These small adjustments can enhance the professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear understanding of the issue and express a strong opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
task achievement
Your use of examples, especially regarding specific laws in Saudi Arabia, illustrates your points well and shows real-world implications of the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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