IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People these days watch TV, films and other programmes alone rather than with other people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Umar

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Nowadays, individuals watch TV,movies and other shows alone rather than with other humans.
Positives
Correct article usage
The positives
show examples
 side not outweigh
negatives
Correct article usage
the negatives
show examples
 because you feel calm and relaxed but
also
Linking Words
 it can be
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
,which can create diseases. Watching something alone with private thoughts helps to get calm and rest. When people
observing
Wrong verb form
observe
show examples
 anything related to interesting content without someone else,when nobody is
depriving
Wrong verb form
deprived
show examples
 thereby disrupting,it makes feelings
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 discomfort about
another opinions
Replace the adjective
another opinion
other opinions
show examples
 and stay in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 wave.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2019
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
each
workers
Change to a singular noun
worker
show examples
 of Uzbekistan
mine
Verb problem
was interviewed
show examples
,
interviewed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and most of them mentioned that,especially after workday,the best practice to avoid feeling of
stress
Use synonyms
 is enjoying, without any effort and the most approach and effective is attending
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 something,forgetting own problems. Watching something without anyone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any thoughts incorporated
stress
Use synonyms
 or anxiety,even
created
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
imagination
Correct article usage
the imagination
show examples
 of
lonely
Replace the word
loneliness
show examples
.
Initially
Linking Words
,it
even
Add a missing verb
is even
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 way to
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,watching alone in the long term can lead to any consequences.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, no one
canceled
Wrong verb form
cancels
show examples
 falling
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
depression
Correct article usage
a depression
show examples
 state of unneeded to anybody and it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
to make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
diseases or
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
impact
Add an article
the impact
show examples
 of already existing problems.There is a classic example, in 2019 in Japan International Medical Hospital
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
attended approximately 5,000 of
citizens
Correct article usage
the citizens
show examples
 who recovered.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, anybody
throw
Correct subject-verb agreement
throws
show examples
 after
stress
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, their past health problems retired and became more serious. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it’s positive to spend time attending to content only with yourself ,is
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
show examples
 of important and good way to unwind. But
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 essential than anything and definitely
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 can’t outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly states your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or not.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between your ideas to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your main points with clearer explanations and additional examples.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint against the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Attempts to provide examples to support main points are present.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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