IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

#cities #video #cameras #places #crime #people #measures #freedom #security
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In order to reduce the crime rate, more and more security camcorders are being installed in public venues these days which some critics would consider invasive.
However
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, I believe that the benefits prevail over the drawbacks on
this
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 occasion. One of the major benefits obtained from the installation of video cameras is for criminal identification.
This
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 system enables authorities to access an unlimited amount of data on each citizen, simplifying their responsibilities and enabling them to make time for other vital matters.
Moreover
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, a noticeable reduction in the days spent on each crime case adds to the advantages of
this
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 approach because it saves a lot of time for law enforcement to take other essential actions
such
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 as background checks and scene research
instead
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.
On the other hand
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, these camcorders can guarantee the safety of individuals in a more efficient way, enhancing their social life simultaneously. Numerous studies have shown a significant increase in public interactions among total strangers
due to
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 their previous knowledge of the existing security cameras in the area.
However
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, invading individuals’ privacy can be accounted as one of the major downsides of
this
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 approach. These measures endanger the sensation of relief and implement the constant fear of being under surveillance;
therefore
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, people would not be as motivated to go outside as they usually would
due to
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 the lack of comfort.
Besides
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, they might fear that the collected data by public camcorders would be put to use for other purposes rather than reducing crime rates.
For instance
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, if
this
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 sensitive information falls into the wrong hands, it could be used as leverage for extortion. In a nutshell, despite the aroused criticism towards the construction of security cameras, I side with the group that believes the pros prevail over the cons because even though the privacy invasion cannot be neglected, communities could benefit from an improvement in the means of general safety.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear, consistent structure throughout your essay to facilitate understanding. Your essay flows well, but refining transitions between ideas could strengthen its coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and engagement. Your use of language is effective, but varying your sentence structures more could improve readability.
task achievement
Fully develop your ideas and arguments with detailed examples or evidence. You've made a good effort to support your points, but more specific examples could further enhance your argumentation.
task achievement
Strive for balance in discussing both sides of the argument before presenting your conclusion. You've done this well, showing a clear understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Effectively introduces and concludes the essay, providing a clear position that guides the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Presents a well-structured argument, logically organizing benefits and drawbacks before reaching a justified conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance cameras
  • Public safety
  • Deterrent
  • Evidence collection
  • Apprehend perpetrators
  • Public spaces
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Civil liberties
  • Abuse of power
  • Misuse
  • Cost implications
  • Monitoring
  • Maintenance
  • Essential services
  • Justice system
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