IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. Several Nations have observed an enormous increase in crime amid youngsters.

Youth becomes the backbone of every country but when they start to choose a path of
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 crimes, it highly disrupts the nation's
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
. It can be seen that the most common reasons
due to
Linking Words
 which there is a surge of illegal activities amongst teenagers are neglecting parents and
glorification
Correct article usage
the glorification
show examples
 of goons and gangsters on social media. From teaching how to take the first steps to how to speak the first word, parents play a very important role in the
overall
Linking Words
 development of a child.
Moreover
Linking Words
, whatever values are taught to a student at home
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 the basis for their
overall
Linking Words
 growth.
Hence
Linking Words
, if a mother or father
neglect
Correct subject-verb agreement
neglects
show examples
 their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 or
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 absent during their growing years
due to
Linking Words
 personal commitments
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 often has a negative impact on them. In many juvenile cases, it has been observed that the reason why the treason was
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 is because the child had no
surveillence
Correct your spelling
surveillance
 back at home. In Mexico, around 40% of the illegal activities are done by citizens under 18 and of
this
Linking Words
 40% around 25% have already
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 more than 2 murders.
Moreover
Linking Words
, to make things worse it has become very easy for terrorist groups to target
this
Linking Words
 percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 as they have sensitive mindsets and changing hormones. By controlling and glamorising the content that these children watch, they are a ticking
time-bomb
Correct your spelling
time bomb
show examples
 ready to explode anytime. In the United States of America, school firing has increased by 55% in the
last
Linking Words
 decade and the major culprits are the people still pursuing
there high-school
Correct your spelling
their high school
show examples
. When a background check is done on these people, it is often found that they were targetted by active anti-national groups via the means of platforms like telegram,
tik-tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 and
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
. In
order
Use synonyms
 to control the damage, schools should conduct regular therapy sessions and understand the mental state of the child. It is necessary to do so in
order
Use synonyms
 to prevent any future mishappenings. Initiatives like producing movies that display the
repurcussions
Correct your spelling
repercussions
 and after-life of a criminal should be put on display for the
mass
Fix the agreement mistake
masses
show examples
 to watch in
order
Use synonyms
 to send out a message in
info-visual
Correct article usage
an info-visual
show examples
 context. In conclusion, if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 wants
then
Linking Words
 it can control the media that
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
 of their country
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 exposed to which will
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 help in decreasing the crime rate and improving the future. Meanwhile, social service programs should be funded properly to help
displaced
Correct article usage
the displaced
show examples
 population under 18 in
order
Use synonyms
 to give them a second chance at life and be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 of the country.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The introduction effectively presents the issue of crime among teenagers and outlines the reasons and solutions that will be discussed. However, it could be improved by stating the thesis more clearly and linking it directly to the structure of the essay to guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The body paragraphs generally follow a logical structure, but some ideas could be more clearly linked with transitions or topic sentences to enhance coherence. For instance, indicating when you are moving from discussing parental neglect to media influence would improve flow.
Task Response
While the examples provided are relevant, ensuring that they are well-supported and explained is essential. Some statistics are presented, but additional context or sources would strengthen their impact and clarity for the reader.
Task Response
The essay addresses the task well, providing a clear discussion on the reasons for increased crime rates and potential solutions. There is a good range of ideas presented, showcasing a thoughtful engagement with the topic.
General Writing Quality
The writing demonstrates a good understanding of the subject matter, with a variety of vocabulary expressing complex ideas. This reflects strong language skills and critical thinking regarding societal issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: