IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the distribution of the world's water and the use of water in three countries.

The charts below show the distribution of the world's water and the use of water in three countries.
The pie charts give information about the distribution of
water
Use synonyms
 in the world. The bar chart compares how much
water
Use synonyms
 is allocated to certain sectors in three different
countries
Use synonyms
. The units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the charts is that the majority of
water
Use synonyms
 in the world is salty,
whereas
Linking Words
 the main source of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 is ice and glaciers.
Although
Linking Words
 in Canada, more
water
Use synonyms
 is used in industry, agriculture is the dominant sector in the other
countries
Use synonyms
. Moving to a more detailed analysis, 97% of the world's
water
Use synonyms
 is salty, as opposed to
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 accounting for merely 3%. The
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of fresh
water
Use synonyms
came
Correct pronoun usage
that came
show examples
 from ice and glaciers comprises 79%, which is followed by
ground
Correct your spelling
groundwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 constituting one-fifth and surface
water
Use synonyms
 is just 1%. With regard to the use of
water
Use synonyms
 in three
countries
Use synonyms
, Egypt and Saudi Arabia follow the same pattern. In both
countries
Use synonyms
, agricultural usage ranks first with more than 70%
while
Linking Words
 domestic and industrial purposes account for approximately 12% and 10% in each, respectively. In terms of Canada's
water
Use synonyms
 usage, the percentage of industry is 80%, in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that of agriculture and domestic fields makes up roughly 10%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, countries with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: