IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some say that these are the best people to talk to school students about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

A general trend can be seen amongst citizens who have been prisoners that they choose a path to be good citizens after serving their time in jail.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the statement that these
people
Use synonyms
 are one of the best to talk to
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
show examples
 children for giving an opinion on the consequences of committing a crime. Having a federal record is never a good thing for anyone but to help others not to repeat the mistakes one did is a type of community service
that is
Linking Words
 very important
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers as they are the future of the nation. Despite the actions which led to someone being convicted, if the person decides to change their beliefs and give themselves another chance at life
then
Linking Words
 it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress for the society
overall
Linking Words
. Meanwhile, asking these
people
Use synonyms
 to interact with students can have a positive effect on communicating the difference between good and bad. Nazer Ali, an American citizen who was
prisoned
Verb problem
imprisoned
show examples
 for
pick pocketing
Correct your spelling
pickpocketing
show examples
 on many occasions at the age of 19 later
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 path of being an honest police officer. He was called by many institutions to share his story which was filled with
stuggles
Correct your spelling
struggles
 and how he reformed himself by helping
people
Use synonyms
 with a similar background to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, many actors and influencers have admitted to committing crimes because they were not in the right state of mind. Their experiences just go on to show how difficult adulthood can get if
correct
Add an article
the correct
show examples
 direction is not provided to young adults from an early age. Superstars like Robert Browning, who was sentenced to 10 years in jail after 2
people
Use synonyms
 were killed in a car accident because of his drug addiction, associated himself with several
non profit
Add a hyphen
non-profit
show examples
 organisations when he came out. He
also
Linking Words
 continued to become a prime example for youngsters to disbar themselves from alcohol and drug
ussage
Correct your spelling
usage
 in order to live a clean and peaceful life.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 with experience of prison time have already been through rock bottom all by themselves
hence
Linking Words
 establishing a
communcation
Correct your spelling
communication
 platform where they can share their stories
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 youth can be a pivotal point of change that many
people
Use synonyms
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and utilizes topic sentences. This will strengthen the logical flow of your arguments.
Task Achievement
There are a few grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'stuggles', 'ussage'). Proofreading can improve the clarity of your writing.
Task Achievement
Although you provided examples, make sure to explain how they directly support your main argument to enhance the reader's understanding.
Task Achievement
You have an effective introduction that clearly states your position on the issue, providing a solid foundation for your essay.
Task Achievement
Your use of real-life examples helps illustrate your points and adds credibility to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • crime deterrence
  • authenticity
  • consequences
  • criminal justice system
  • incarceration
  • recidivism
  • inspire
  • glamorize
  • professional educators
  • law enforcement officers
  • second chances
  • personal growth
  • relatability
  • appropriateness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: