IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that governments should spend more money on improving public transportation, while others think that building more roads is a better way to reduce traffic congestion.

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Traffic congestion has become a serious problem in many cities around the world.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that governments should invest more in public transportation, others argue that constructing additional
roads
Use synonyms
 is a more effective solution. In my opinion, improving public
transport
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better approach because it can reduce the number of private vehicles on the
roads
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. On the one hand, building more
roads
Use synonyms
 can help reduce congestion in areas where existing
roads
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 are overcrowded. When new
roads
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 are constructed, traffic can be distributed across a larger network, which may shorten travelling times for drivers.
For example
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, a new
road
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 connecting residential areas with business districts can provide an alternative route and prevent large numbers of cars from using the same streets.
Therefore
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, expanding
road
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 networks can be useful, particularly in rapidly developing cities.
On the other hand
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, investing in public transportation is likely to have a more long-term impact. If buses, trains and underground systems are affordable, reliable and convenient, more
people
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 may choose them
instead
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 of private cars.
As a result
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, the number of vehicles on major
roads
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 could decrease considerably.
Furthermore
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, effective public
transport
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 can be particularly beneficial in large cities because it allows many
people
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 to travel at the same time without requiring additional
road
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 space.
For instance
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, an efficient metro system can
transport
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 thousands of passengers during peak hours, potentially reducing pressure on the
road
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 network. In conclusion,
although
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 constructing new
roads
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 can provide additional routes and temporarily reduce congestion, I believe that governments should give greater priority to public transportation. A reliable and affordable
transport
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 system can encourage
people
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 to leave their cars at home and
therefore
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 provide a more sustainable solution to traffic problems.

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task response
To get a 9, add one more deep point about why more roads may not work for long. For example, new roads can make more people drive, so traffic may grow again.
task response
Make your own view even stronger in the first part. You could say that public transport is better not only because it cuts the number of cars, but also because it is better for city life in the long run.
coherence and cohesion
Your links are good, but do not use too many set link words in every essay. You can also link ideas by repeating key words, such as “cars”, “roads”, and “public transport”.
coherence and cohesion
In the road part, add one short line that leads more clearly to your next point. For example: “However, this may not solve the problem for very long.”
task response
Score: 8. You answer both sides and give your own clear view. Your main idea stays the same from the start to the end.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit the point: a new road can give cars another way, and a metro can move many people at one time.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 8. The essay has a very clear plan: start, one side, the other side, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words well, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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