IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

some people think that it is important to spend a lot of money on family functions while others think that it is waste of money. discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is argued by individuals that family celebrations are celebrated by spending
hefty
Add an article
a hefty
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 amount of
money
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are some others who think that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on family
functions
Use synonyms
 is
Correct article usage
a wastage
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wastage
Replace the word
waste
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both views. On the one hand, why some
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is essential to allocate more
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
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 family celebrations because it gives happiness and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
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 of contentment to
people
Use synonyms
. there are various family
functions
Use synonyms
 that are held only one time for whole life.
For example
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, marriages
due to
Linking Words
 which
people
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 type of
Use synonyms
functions
Fix the agreement mistake
function
show examples
 to get pleasure.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, there are other reasons why family
functions
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
. First
and
Correct word choice
apply
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the format is that
People
Use synonyms
 should have to save
money
Use synonyms
 because they utilise it in critical situations and complete their basic needs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, They can allocate the saved
money
Use synonyms
 in future to set up their work, but it is impossible to do
this
Linking Words
 if
people
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 on family
functions
Use synonyms
. they can suffer from the problem of debt which creates negativity.
For example
Linking Words
, the Tribune show shows that 65% of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 spend
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 on family
functions
Use synonyms
 and suffer from financial loss. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that family
functions
Use synonyms
 are important but saving
money
Use synonyms
 for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in
worsen
Wrong verb form
worsened
show examples
 conditions is more essential.

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task achievement
Try to enhance your introduction by clearly stating your opinion in a more direct way. Include a strong thesis statement to guide the reader on what to expect in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use appropriate sentence structures and grammar. Watch out for minor grammatical errors that can affect clarity. For example, improve the sentence accuracy around 'family functions is a wastage' to 'family functions are a waste.'
task achievement
Add more specific examples and develop your arguments further, particularly in the second body paragraph. This would enhance the clarity and depth of your ideas.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument clearly, which shows good understanding of the topic and engages with the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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