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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
graphs
Change the determiner
graph
show examples
 illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the total
proportion
Use synonyms
 of films released and the total
proportion
Use synonyms
 of movie
ticket
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 between 1996 and 2006 in a country.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 three kinds of films,
drama
Use synonyms
,
comedy
Use synonyms
, and
fantasy
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant increase over the period, only a romance movie recorded almost the same figure. In terms of cinema
ticket
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of three sorts of films, as I mentioned before, accelerated significantly,
whereas
Linking Words
 the percentage of romance declined. In detail,
although
Linking Words
drama
Use synonyms
,
comedy
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
fantasy
Correct word choice
and fantasy
show examples
 saw a considerable rise over the period, notably
drama
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant increase from over a quarter to 35%.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
comedy
Use synonyms
 and
fantasy
Use synonyms
 got
rise
Add an article
a rise
show examples
 from 20% to exactly a quarter, almost 12% to over 15%, respectively. Regarding the ratio of cinema
ticket
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
drama
Use synonyms
 and
comedy
Use synonyms
 increased steadily from about 16% to 17%,
20
Correct word choice
and 20
show examples
% to 23%, respectively, a rise in that of
fantasy
Use synonyms
 was significant from almost 3% to 7%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the ratio of romance movie
ticket
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 declined considerably from 5% to 3%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, ticket, sales, drama, comedy, fantasy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • depict
  • significant increases/decreases
  • highlighting
  • drawing comparisons
  • discrepancies
  • notable trends
  • unexpected findings
  • anomalies
  • phenomenon
  • emphasizing
  • evolution
  • implications
  • producers
  • distributors
  • audiences
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