IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly. However, many of them do not get enough exercise. Do you agree or disagree with that statement?

Although
Linking Words
 doctors emphasize the importance of doing regular exercises for old
people
Use synonyms
, these recommendations seem to be neglected by the majority of the elderly.
While
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this
Linking Words
 can be attributed to social norms in some countries and a lack of sporting facilities, changing our attitude towards older
people
Use synonyms
 and providing sufficient opportunities for
exercise
Use synonyms
 can improve the situation. Personally, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. First of all, one of the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
major
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why older
people
Use synonyms
 do not
exercise
Use synonyms
 enough is
due to
Linking Words
 physical and
Use synonyms
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
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 challenges. Many elderly individuals suffer from
health
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 problems including arthritis, heart conditions and mobility issues which limit their ability to perform physical tasks. Even simple activities
such
Linking Words
 as walking or stretching can cause discomfort and pain
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
body
Add an article
the body
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.
As a result
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, they tend to live
in
Change preposition
apply
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a sedentary lifestyle despite knowing the benefits of exercising.
Secondly
Linking Words
, another factor is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of motivation and encouragement from family and community. Older
people
Use synonyms
 may not feel motivated to join
exercise
Use synonyms
 programs. Especially if they live alone.
Moreover
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,
with
Correct word choice
apply
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some think that it is too late to start
in
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apply
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their period or they find
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they do not benefit from it.
This
Linking Words
 mindset leads to decreased participation in physical activities, even though regular movement can improve their
overall
Linking Words
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 and prevent
further
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
 decline. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 doctors advise doing regular
exercise
Use synonyms
to elderlies
Replace the word
for the elderly
show examples
, many of them
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 follow
this
Linking Words
 statement because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
motivation
Change preposition
of motivation
show examples
 and
health
Use synonyms
 problems.

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task achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow of ideas by using more linking words to connect your sentences clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure all parts of your conclusion summarize the key points made in the essay and restate your opinion clearly.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion that aligns with the task requirements.
task achievement
Relevant points about health issues and motivation were discussed, indicating good awareness of the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivation
  • physical limitations
  • lack of time
  • fear of injury
  • exercise facilities
  • misunderstanding
  • benefits of exercise
  • social support
  • poor health conditions
  • awareness
  • appropriate exercises
  • guidance
  • financial constraints
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