IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that companies should levy a tariff on
junk
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food
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 and drinks because the
health
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 risks associated with consuming
this
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 kind of
food
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 are rising.
This
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 essay agrees that a higher rate of tax should be paid by sugary product manufacturers.
Firstly
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, alcohol and tobacco companies already pay higher
taxes
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;
secondly
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, higher
taxes
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 could raise prices and lower consumption. Higher excise on liqueur and cigarettes has been proven to curb the harm caused by these substances.
This
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 revenue has been used to treat
health
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 problems associated with these products and has proven useful in advertising campaigns warning
people
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 about the dangers of alcohol and tobacco abuse. Tax from
junk
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food
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 can be used in the same way. The United Kingdom is a prime example, where money from smokers is used to treat lung cancer and heart disease
while
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 at the same time, pumped into
health
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 campaigns in schools to warn children about the dangers of smoking. Increasing
taxes
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 would raise prices and lower consumption. The companies would pass on these
taxes
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 to consumers in the form of higher prices, leading to
people
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 not being able to afford these products because it is too expensive.
Thus
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junk
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food
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 would soon become a luxury item and it would only be consumed occasionally, which would be less harmful to the general public's
health
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.
For instance
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, the cost of organic
food
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 has proven prohibitively expensive for most
people
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, and
that is
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 why only a small percentage of the population buys it regularly. In conclusion,
junk
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food
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 should be taxed at a higher rate because of the good precedent set by alcohol and tobacco and the fact that the increased cost should reduce the number of sugary
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food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
people
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 buy.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure, including a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use varied connective words and reference words to improve coherence. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the supporting sentences are directly relevant to that topic.
Task Achievement
Address the task fully by developing your arguments about the need for increased taxation on sugary products in greater depth. Make sure to directly respond to all parts of the task prompt and extend your main points with more detailed examples or evidence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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