IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say a person’s success in adult life is the result of the way they were brought up as a child by their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that a person’s
success
Use synonyms
 in adult
life
Use synonyms
 is mainly influenced by how their
parents
Use synonyms
 raised them during childhood.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that parental upbringing plays a significant role in shaping future
success
Use synonyms
, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that other factors are equally important. On the one hand, the values and habits children learn at home often stay with them for
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 teach their children to be responsible, disciplined, and hardworking, these qualities can help them perform well in school and later in their careers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, supportive
parents
Use synonyms
 who encourage education and personal growth usually raise confident children who are ready to face
life
Use synonyms
’s challenges.
For instance
Linking Words
, many successful
people
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as athletes or business leaders, often mention how their
parents
Use synonyms
 inspired and guided them from a young age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
success
Use synonyms
 in adult
life
Use synonyms
 is not only the result of upbringing. Education, personal effort, and
life
Use synonyms
 experiences
also
Linking Words
 play important roles. A person who was not well-supported as a child can still become successful through determination and learning from others.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 grow up in difficult conditions but manage to succeed by working hard and making good decisions as adults.
In addition
Linking Words
, teachers, mentors, and even friends can have a strong influence on someone’s future. In conclusion, I believe that
while
Linking Words
 a good upbringing by
parents
Use synonyms
 is a strong foundation for future
success
Use synonyms
, it is not the only factor.
People
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 shape their own futures through their actions, choices, and experiences outside the family.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your arguments, especially in the section about how other factors contribute to success. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in connecting ideas more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, tying the essay together well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • values
  • work ethic
  • interpersonal skills
  • educational opportunities
  • prioritize
  • emotional support
  • resilience
  • confidence
  • challenges
  • individual choices
  • external factors
  • personal motivation
  • societal influences
  • obstacles
  • determination
  • hard work
What to do next:
Look at other essays: