the working week should be shorter and workers should have longer weekend. dou you agree or disagree

There are some arguments among people about weekdays and
weekends
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
some people argue that weekdays should be shorter than
weekends
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
others have the opposite view.
This
Linking Words
essay strongly agrees with the idea of extending
weekends
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, most employees around the world believe that they are in need of additional days off, but they are forced to attend their office throughout the working days because it is mandatory.
This
Linking Words
statement comes from various reasons,
such
Linking Words
as family obligations, health, and others. To illustrate, those in the medical profession,
such
Linking Words
as doctors and nurses, tend to experience a
lack
Use synonyms
of rest days compared to many other workers. In 2020, when the pandemic
initially
Linking Words
spread, many health workers faced extreme exhaustion and burnout
due to
Linking Words
continuous shifts and a
lack
Use synonyms
of proper rest. If the
weekends
Use synonyms
were made longer,
such
Linking Words
professionals would have more opportunities to recover physically and mentally.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having extended
weekends
Use synonyms
could enhance employees' productivity when they return to work, as their energy and motivation levels would be refreshed. Nowadays, many children all around the world experience mental issues
due to
Linking Words
the
lack
Use synonyms
of attentiveness of their
parents
Use synonyms
. The responsibility their
parents
Use synonyms
had in the work made them seldom home,
such
Linking Words
things may lead to mental issues for the kids or even a crime.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are a lot of crimes committed by the youth, and the
lack
Use synonyms
of attentiveness of
parents
Use synonyms
takes the biggest responsibility regarding the phenomenon.
Therefore
Linking Words
, longer
weekends
Use synonyms
mean that both children and
parents
Use synonyms
have more time to spend together and reduce problems caused by
parents
Use synonyms
' attentiveness. In short, longer
weekends
Use synonyms
have a bunch of advantages that outweigh the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Your view is clear and your points connect to the topic. To get a higher score, add a brief counter-argument and a clear refute, then end with a strong conclusion.
improvement
Give more solid examples or data. Some points stay broad. Use one precise example with a small fact to back it up.
strength
Your essay uses good link words like firstly and moreover. Keep this flow and make sure every sentence links to the next.
improvement
Work on grammar and word choice to avoid awkward phrases. Shorter, simple sentences can help with clarity.
strength
Clear position on extending weekends
strength
Good use of connectives to show steps
strength
Structure with intro, body and conclusion
strength
Examples link to work life and family life
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
Look at other essays: