IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement to cities and what are the effects?

Urbanisation has become a major global trend, with a growing number of
people
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 relocating from countryside areas to
cities
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.
This
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 essay will show the main reasons behind
this
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 migration and examine its significant effects on both
cities
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 and villages regions. One of the primary reasons
people
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 move to
cities
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 is the availability of better job opportunities.
Cities
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 often provide higher salaries, a wider range of professions, and the chance to build a career, especially for young
people
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.
In addition
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, access to education and healthcare is usually more advanced in urban areas. Many families move in search of better schools and hospitals for their children and relatives.
Furthermore
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, the lifestyle in
citiesnmore
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cities more
 entertainment, modern facilities, and convenience attracts
people
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 who seek comfort and development.
However
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,
this
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 rapid migration has serious consequences. First of all,
cities
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 become
over crowded
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overcrowded
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, leading to housing shortages, traffic congestion, and pollution.
For example
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, in many developing countries, millions of
people
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 live in slums because
to
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of
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 a lack of affordable housing.
Moreover
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, the rise in population puts pressure on public services
such
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 as transport, waste management, and healthcare systems. At the same time, small areas suffer from a lack of workforce, especially in agriculture and local industries, which can damage the economy of these regions. In conclusion,
while
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people
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 are moving to
cities
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 for better opportunities and living standards,
this
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 trend results in serious urban challenges and villages decline. Governments need to invest in small developments to balance
this
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 movement and reduce the pressure on
cities
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.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support the main points presented in your essay, particularly in the second body paragraph regarding the effects of urbanization.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your writing flows smoothly. You might want to use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument and strengthen the coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to minor spelling errors, such as 'citiesnmore.' These small inaccuracies can distract from the overall quality of your essay, so proofreading could be beneficial.
task achievement
You have clearly defined the reasons for migration and the effects on both cities and rural areas, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overcrowding
  • urbanization
  • employment opportunities
  • educational resources
  • healthcare facilities
  • infrastructure
  • cultural exchange
  • migration
  • rural-urban shift
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • social services
  • public amenities
  • diversity
  • livelihood
  • standard of living
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