IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of a bad person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Most humans think that criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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 is a product of an individual’s inherent nature,
whereas
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 others argue that it is the outcome of poverty and societal factors.
While
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 there are cogent arguments for the former view, I would argue that
Correct pronoun usage
it lean
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lean
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leans
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 towards the social issues and poverty theory On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that
people
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 commit
crimes
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 mostly because they have social problems or because of their
circumstances
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. They are affected by the surrounding living environment
such
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 as poverty and helplessness.
Besides
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,
people
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 can commit
crimes
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due to
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circumstances
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, they feel deprived without the guidance of
people
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 around them or lack the physical basis to develop.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 have to engage in criminal activities,
due to
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 their human nature, they have minor
crimes
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such
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 as shoplifting or pickpocketing or serious
crimes
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such
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 as robbery or murder.
Also
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,
people
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 can commit
crimes
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due to
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circumstances
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, they feel deprived without the guidance of
people
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 around them or lack the physical basis to develop.
Besides
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,
people
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 can commit
crimes
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due to
Linking Words
circumstances
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, they feel deprived without the guidance of
people
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 around them or lack the physical basis to develop.They are not aware that it is wrong
behavior
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behaviour
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. In conclusion,
while
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 there are certainly some individuals who exhibit consistent patterns of aggressive or antisocial
behavior
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behaviour
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, those numbers are only a small portion, and the majority, I think, will be greatly influenced by family education. Most humans Most of + the + N Almost (adv) + adj

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Task Achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating both views and your perspective on them. This helps set the tone for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repetition in your points. Each paragraph should introduce and elaborate on different aspects of the arguments.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance the quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, as this adds depth and persuasiveness to your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, which is important for the discussion.
Task Achievement
You have identified key factors influencing crime, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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