IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some counties, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other counties. To what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the problems?

In some nations, it is possible for individuals to purchase
items
Use synonyms
 manufactured in other countries.The main problems these cause are economic downturn and cultural homogenisation and the most viable solution is to create awareness about local
products
Use synonyms
 and support small enterprises.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,patronage of foreign
goods
Use synonyms
 over local
products
Use synonyms
 can impact a
country
Use synonyms
's economy negatively.
Therefore
Linking Words
,leading to a low economic turnover.As many people buy overseas
products
Use synonyms
 and local
items
Use synonyms
 are ignored,traders and shop owners start to lose their source of income as
goods
Use synonyms
 are not being sold anymore.
This
Linking Words
 can
also
Linking Words
 lead to job loss as many residents become unmotivated and willing to trade because of little profit outcome.
In addition
Linking Words
, cultural homogenisation occurs
as a result
Linking Words
 of a large influx of foreign
goods
Use synonyms
 into the
country
Use synonyms
 and causes a decline in
home
Add a hyphen
home-country
show examples
country
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 local
products
Use synonyms
 less valued and appreciated.
For example
Linking Words
, when a
country
Use synonyms
 that produces high quantities of rice constantly imports rice from other nations
this
Linking Words
 weakens the economic system of said
country
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem the government should create lots of awareness on various locally produced
items
Use synonyms
 in order to encourage the purchase of
such
Linking Words
items
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can be done through radio jingles,internet
pop up
Add a hyphen
pop-up
show examples
 ads, television and newspapers to say the least.
Therefore
Linking Words
,making citizens aware of the availability of
such
Linking Words
items
Use synonyms
 and
convince
Wrong verb form
convincing
show examples
 them to patronise national traders.
This
Linking Words
 will not only boost the economy but
also
Linking Words
 lead to the creation of many job opportunities for locals. The government should
also
Linking Words
 support
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 and middle businesses via
low interest
Add a hyphen
low-interest
show examples
 loans and tax breaks. For
intsance
Correct your spelling
instance
, setting up government funding schemes for little business owners. In conclusion, foreign
goods
Use synonyms
 are
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 over local
goods
Use synonyms
, a major way to combat
this
Linking Words
 is to enlighten citizens about the availability of their home produce and encouragement of small and middle enterprises.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. The ideas you presented are a little too general and would benefit from additional context.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This can be improved by using linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a stronger introduction that lays out your arguments clearly. A clear thesis statement can help in outlining your main points for the reader.
task achievement
You effectively identified key issues related to foreign product consumption, such as economic downturn and cultural homogenization, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your structure is clear, with distinct paragraphs for each point, which aids readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: