IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say a person’s success in adult life is the result of the way they were brought up as a child by their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A major portion of society thinks that a person's success depends upon the way they are raised by their
parents
Use synonyms
 during childhood and teenage time. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement that
parents
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in shaping their children's adulthood ensuring a bright future.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I will describe the
parents
Use synonyms
' role in a successful individual.
Parents
Use synonyms
 who are well-educated, right from their kids' childhood, start planning everything for them from their schooling to friends. They choose the best schools in their town, or sometimes they even choose day boarding or distant schools for the sake of a better future for them because they know a good education helps them to surpass others.
Also
Linking Words
, as they grow they choose the best tuition classes for them which are required in higher classes. They have healthy discussions about their goals, ambitions, and interests, and shape them to ensure better future options.
Additionally
Linking Words
, not only from a materialistic perspective, but they
also
Linking Words
 make sure that their children have good moral conduct,
hence
Linking Words
, they teach them about good moral values, etiquette, and social code of conduct, so their children know how to behave well in the social communities. They
also
Linking Words
 look upon their friends' circle so that they do not indulge in any bad company or activities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, to make sure that they do not become a bookworm, they guide them in extra-curricular activities
such
Linking Words
 as debates, essay writing competitions, swimming, bicycling, basketball, table tennis and many other sports activities, confirming their comprehensive development.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I would wrap up my essay by saying that a child's mind is like clay,
parents
Use synonyms
 can shape it in any way. Literate and successful persons look after their kids' raising with great care and wisdom ensuring not only their individual success but
also
Linking Words
 preparing them to serve the nation as a whole.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
The introduction captures the essence of the topic well, providing a clear thesis statement that shows your agreement. However, consider paraphrasing the question more effectively to make the introduction even stronger.
body
While your main points are relevant, adding specific examples or anecdotal evidence could enhance the depth of your arguments. This could help demonstrate the practical implications of your claims about parental influence.
body
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your thesis statement. This will enhance the logical flow of your arguments and improve coherence between points.
conclusion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your essay and reiterates your thesis. However, it could be strengthened by suggesting implications or a call to action, reinforcing the importance of parental influence on success.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
content
You have effectively highlighted the importance of parental involvement in both educational and moral development, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the issue at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • values
  • work ethic
  • interpersonal skills
  • educational opportunities
  • prioritize
  • emotional support
  • resilience
  • confidence
  • challenges
  • individual choices
  • external factors
  • personal motivation
  • societal influences
  • obstacles
  • determination
  • hard work
What to do next:
Look at other essays: