IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many elderly people are no long looked after by their families but put are in nurse homes or care homes. What are the advantages or disadvantages of this trend?

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In recent times,
families
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 have chosen to find
care
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 or nurse homes for their elderly relatives. Some people argue that
this
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 decision helps to sustain decreasing
health
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 conditions,
while
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 others believe that
this
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 can affect the emotional
health
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 of seniors. There are both advantages and disadvantages to
such
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 a situation. Senior nurseries might improve the living standard for both
families
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 and elders. In some cases when the
health
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 condition is severe,
families
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 are not able to provide the necessary
care
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 for their loved ones
while
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 working full-time.
Furthermore
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,
care
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 homes provide adjusted environments
as well as
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 social groups that support the emotional well-being of people in their golden years. As an example, Australia offers elderly community housing, where seniors can have all the necessary support and
health
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care
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,
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apply
show examples
while
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 living lives, gardening and spending time with their peers.
Such
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 an environment enriches the remaining years. Among the drawbacks, the separation from the family is emotionally damaging. Emotional support and a healing environment are not offered at some nursing homes. The majority of
such
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 places focus on sustaining
health
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 rather than improving it.
Therefore
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, pensioners might feel isolated and abandoned by their
families
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. Taking my grandmother as an example, she is in very poor
health
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 and my mom is not capable of taking
care
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 of her, but feels miserable that her mother is put in
such
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 conditions. The decision to put an elderly relative into a nurse's
care
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 is a hard one to make. There are many advantages for everyone and quality of life can be enhanced if the place is well-equipped.
However
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, most nurseries only focus on sustaining lives and that might not be the best environment for the loved one to be placed at.

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task achievement
Consider developing your examples further to strengthen your arguments. You could add more details about how the supportive community in elderly housing contributes to emotional well-being.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect your ideas and evidence to support your stance. Some points seem to stand alone, which slightly affects logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure in your essay with distinct advantages and disadvantages discussed, making it easy to follow the argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the case of Australia’s elderly community housing, demonstrating your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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