IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph depicts the
number
Use synonyms
 of reading
books
Use synonyms
 by males and females in a four-year
period
Use synonyms
 from 2011 to 2014 at Burnaby Public Library.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
clearly
Change the word
clear
show examples
 to see that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
men
Use synonyms
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to increase year by year,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
women
Use synonyms
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 for 3 years and, ended
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
period
Use synonyms
 with an important decrease, being
gentleman
Fix the agreement mistake
gentlemen
show examples
 who read the
biggest
Correct word choice
most
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of different
books
Use synonyms
 throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. In 2011,
women
Use synonyms
 read 5000
books
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 read 3000. In 2012, the literacy read by both
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
, the former had a slight
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 to 8000
books
Use synonyms
 and the latest 4000
books
Use synonyms
 read. Turning to 2013,
women
Use synonyms
 reached the
number
Use synonyms
 of 10 thousand
books
Use synonyms
 read and
then
Linking Words
, dramatically went down to 8000
books
Use synonyms
 in 2014.
Men
Use synonyms
piked
Correct your spelling
picked
show examples
 up the
number
Use synonyms
 of reading
books
Use synonyms
 reaching 8000 and ended up the
period
Use synonyms
 with 14 thousand
books
Use synonyms
 read.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, books, period, men, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of books
  • reading habits
  • Burnaby Public Library
  • men
  • women
  • yearly trends
  • fluctuations
  • comparison
  • audience behavior
  • gender gap
  • significantly
  • dramatic increase
  • decline
  • data points
  • overall trend
  • specific figures
  • notable fluctuations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: