IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, there is less social contact between older and younger generations. Why is this happening? What can be done to improve communication and interaction between them?

In recent years, there has been a noticeable decline in social contact between older and younger
generations
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, we will highlight the reasons for
such
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 a trend and the measures that need to be addressed to improve communication and interaction between
both
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generations
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.
To begin
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 with, there are a variety of reasons why
this
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 is happening, and
one
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 of the most significant
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 is that related to the busy life and constrained time. Younger
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
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 are often preoccupied with education, work and personal goals.
For instance
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, younger
people
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 work longer hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and spend a few more hours commuting from work to their homes. Once they are at home, they have no more time left to visit and spend time with their elderly
people
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.
In addition
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 to that older
people
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 are more likely to have some health problems or mobility issues.
For example
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, many elderly
people
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 live in elderly
centers
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centres
show examples
, and that
make
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makes
show examples
 their communication and interaction with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
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slight
Change the word
slightly
show examples
 difficult.
Furthermore
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, another significant cause that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be mentioned is that related to technological differences. Young
people
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 entirely communicate online by instant messages, video calls and emails through digital platforms
such
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 as WhatsApp and
Instgram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
, and prefer virtual connection with others.
On the contrary
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,
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 generation
prefer
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prefers
show examples
 deep face-to-face interactions and
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
show examples
 the ability to use the internet efficiently.
For example
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, my grandparents often struggle to use
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 and because of
that
Add a comma
that,
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 they lose many memorable events that we put online in WhatsApp, leading to more
gap
Fix the agreement mistake
gaps
show examples
 in communication with the
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
.
Therefore
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,
one
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 main measure that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be mentioned and applied effectively is the administration of intergenerational activities. These should include workshops, seminars and events that
make
Verb problem
allow
show examples
both
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generations
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 where
both
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can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
interact and learn from
one
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 another.
In addition
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 to that, a simple way is to show older
people
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 how to use some apps so they do not miss important updates in their family lives. These measures will definitely reduce the gap between
both
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generations
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 to a certain extent.

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grammar
Consider revising some sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy. For example, 'younger professional' should be 'younger professionals'.
coherence
Make sure to clearly separate and label your main points in the essay to improve the logical flow and structure.
task achievement
To strengthen your arguments, provide more specific examples that directly relate to your points about technology and social interaction.
content
Your essay addresses the topic well and provides insights into the reasons for reduced contact between generations.
structure
The structure of the essay is mostly clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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