IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Essay Topic: Smoking and its Effects on Society with examples

It is widely believed that smoking poses serious threats to public
health
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 and economic stability.
While
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 some argue that it is a personal choice, many acknowledge the broader consequences it has on individuals and governments alike.
This
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 essay will discuss the
health
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 implications of smoking and its financial burden, followed by possible solutions to mitigate the issue. One key issue is that smoking severely damages human
health
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.
This
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 means it increases the risk of life-threatening diseases
such
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 as lung cancer, heart disease, and chronic respiratory conditions.
For instance
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, studies show that smokers are significantly more likely to be hospitalized and suffer from long-term illness than non-smokers.
As a result
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, smoking not only shortens life expectancy but
also
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 strains the healthcare system
due to
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 frequent admissions and costly treatments. Another significant concern is the economic impact of smoking on both individuals and governments. Many low-income smokers spend a substantial portion of their income on tobacco products, reducing their financial security.
Additionally
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, governments must allocate large budgets to treat smoking-related diseases.
For example
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, the World
Health
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 Organization reports that smoking-related healthcare costs exceed billions annually in many countries.
Therefore
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, increasing tobacco taxes and launching public awareness campaigns can reduce smoking rates and ease financial pressure. In conclusion,
although
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 smoking may be a personal habit, its effects on
health
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 and national economies are undeniable. In my view, a combination of education, stricter regulations, and supportive policies can significantly reduce smoking prevalence and promote public well-being.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, such as statistics or case studies regarding public health or economic costs.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is elaborated with more details to provide depth and clarity to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay has a logical flow, you may want to incorporate more transition phrases to enhance the coherence between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is strong, but revisiting the main points briefly can further solidify your argument.
introduction
The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the essay's direction, engaging the reader initially.
supported main points
Your use of specific consequences related to smoking, both health-wise and economically, helps convey the seriousness of the issue clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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