Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Change preposition

Due to

show examples

technology

Replace the word

technological

show examples

advancement, some youngsters have developed a dependence on digital

devices

Use synonyms

. Because of convenience and entertainment, they gradually get used to spending hours on their phones. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss

this

Linking Words

issue and explain why I believe it is a positive development.

Change the article

show examples

increasingly common phenomenon is that mobile

devices

Use synonyms

have become a daily

equippment

Correct your spelling

equipment

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

lives.

First,

Linking Words

it can allow them to communicate with their

parents

Use synonyms

and text to peers.

As a result

Linking Words

, smartphones are necessary tools for youngsters to chat and keep in touch with others.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, some applications

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

aim to attract the younger generations, as it can

provides

Wrong verb form

provide

show examples

them entertainment.

For example

Linking Words

, TikTok is the most popular platform for

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

to explore

this

Linking Words

world.

However

Linking Words

, it always

company

Verb problem

has

show examples

some drawbacks

such

Linking Words

as addiction.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it can offer pros and cons for young people. From my perspective, the advantages of using digital

devices

Use synonyms

in childhood often outweigh the disadvantages

due to

Linking Words

the fact that they can offer knowledge and safety for kids. First of all, children can learn both academic and real-life knowledge from certain

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

channels which are published by educational institutions. Even though they may suffer from addiction,

parents

Use synonyms

should supervise the contents they watch and set

limitation

Fix the agreement mistake

limitations

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

time.

Moreover

Linking Words

, when kids face some

emergences

Correct your spelling

emergencies

show examples

, they can contact

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their

parents

Use synonyms

immediately.

Hence

Linking Words

, if the younger generations use smartphones properly, they can definitely acquire benefits from them. In conclusion, in modern society, it is difficult to prevent kids from mobile

devices

Use synonyms

because people already rely on them.

However

Linking Words

, there are some measures for

parents

Use synonyms

to avoid disadvantageous effects.

Thus

Linking Words

, I strongly believe that smartphones are beneficial development for youngsters.

hyc1327Sun May 04 2025

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Coherence and Cohesion

Try to enhance the clarity of your arguments and make sure they are well-supported with examples throughout the essay. Provide clearer connections between ideas.

Task Response

In the introduction, you could provide a clearer roadmap of what you will discuss in the essay, making your thesis statement more specific.

Task Response

Expand on your points regarding the safety and knowledge offered by smartphones, providing specific examples of how they benefit children.

Task Achievement

Your essay presents a balanced view of the topic by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of smartphone use among children.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have a clear conclusion that sums up your argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

You recently used a taxi and left some important documents there. Write a letter to the taxi manager and say: – Describe what you left and where it happened. – Why are these papers important? – What would you like the manager to do about it?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?