IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

In today's world
work
Use synonyms
 become more widespread, even in
Use synonyms
work
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 workplace and
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 weekend breaks. Some argue that it is crucial to give employees a longer break,
while
Linking Words
 some believe it might affect the quality of
work
Use synonyms
. Personally,
this
Linking Words
 trend is strongly agreed
.
Change preposition
upon.
show examples
 One main benefit is that workers will have more time to relax.
Also
Linking Words
, feels comfortable with the company. No one can deny that a shorter working week leads to better
work
Use synonyms
-life balance and improved mental health.
Moreover
Linking Words
, reduced
work
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
 can increase productivity and employee satisfaction.
For example
Linking Words
, countries like Iceland and Japan found out that working only
I
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 day a week enhances the happiness of workers.
However
Linking Words
, decreased
work
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
 might reduce productivity and economic growth, especially in small businesses that can suffer from
this
Linking Words
 development.
Besides
Linking Words
 that workers might have to finish the same workload in a few
days
Use synonyms
, which could put more pressure
instead
Linking Words
 of reducing it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can establish the gap between poor and rich people, because only rich people and huge companies can reduce
work
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 affect financial Status. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 fewer
work
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
 might put more pressure and
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
show examples
 on some employees, reducing the hours a week still gives productivity and happiness to the occupation.
Also
Linking Words
 shown quality of
work
Use synonyms
 as same as it used to be.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing "the world work become more widespread" to make it clearer, such as "the concept of work has become more prevalent in today's society."
task achievement
In your introduction, clarify your stance more definitively, as it currently reads somewhat ambiguously. State explicitly that you agree with the proposed idea.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and data to support your points, particularly regarding the negative aspects, to give your argument more balance and depth.
task achievement
You effectively state your personal position on the issue, which is a crucial part of an argumentative essay.
task achievement
Your arguments about improved employee satisfaction and mental health are pertinent and well-founded.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: