Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Few individuals think that celebrating
self achievements
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self-achievements
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is a waste of dollars. Other humans believe that these happy
occaisions
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occasions
play a vital role in the journeys of people
,
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apply
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and in the community in general.
While
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both views are respected,
this
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essay will be provided with my own opinion. Expressing cheerful feelings by
beaing
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being
beating
bearing
satesfied
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satisfied
about
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with
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your
accompleshmint
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accomplishment
accomplishments
is pivotal for reinforcing your confidence. A study has been
contucted
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conducted
in
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at
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Yale University, saying that you will be stronger when you celebrate and
make
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take
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a
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apply
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positive action after you pass a
chellenging
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challenging
phase in your life.
Furthermore
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, Personal thrives must be celebrated to maintain
a
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apply
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good self-esteem.
However
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, cheering about your goals can have a dark side. some people have been lavishing significant
amount
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amounts
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of money on personal winnings which
a
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is a
show examples
negative habit when it comes to
perserving
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preserving
your
whealth
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wealth
health
.
Moreover
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, Spending tremendous currency on achievements is not a reasonable notion. A perfect example to demonstrate
this
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is
kindergarden
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kindergarten
celebrations. Some parents had spent so much cash before they prepared a huge party for their excellent child after he
overcome
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overcame
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his simister properly. In my opinion, every
singal
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single
person has the right to express happiness after they have obtained a certificate.
For instance
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, a boy says in 2 years I will be finishing
my
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apply
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high school, and my family will arrange a great event for me. Now if the mother and father will not do
this
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, their son will be
frustated
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frustrated
and
this
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can diminish his
determenation
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determination
in the future.
To sum up
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, I advocate for Celebrating personal wins.
Nevertheless
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, mankind should allocate a rational proportion of their income to celebrate.
Also
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, Purchasing gifts
to
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for
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yourself, and inviting your friends for the sake of having
briliant
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brilliant
memories
worths
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worth
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your every penny.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction could be clearer by directly stating both sides of the argument before leading into your opinion. Try rephrasing it for clearer guidance to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point that links back to the thesis. Some points could be better highlighted to maintain a strong flow throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
While you have provided opinions and examples, they need to be more relevant and specific to strengthen your arguments. Consider using more cohesive transitions between your examples and main points.
Task Achievement
Review your spelling and grammar to reduce minor inaccuracies, which can sometimes distract the reader from understanding your points clearly.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a fair discussion of both sides of the topic, showcasing an understanding of the issue at hand and presenting a balanced view.
Task Achievement
You have included personal examples and references to studies, which adds depth to your points and shows initiative in supporting your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish parties
  • essential expenditures
  • financial stress
  • lasting memories
  • social bonds
  • emotional support
  • familial and social ties
  • mental health
  • community cohesion
  • cultural heritage
  • sense of identity
  • traditional practices
  • sense of belonging
  • continuity
  • unique cultural aspects
  • personal well-being
  • routine
  • life satisfaction
  • reasonable budget
  • cost-effective
  • potluck parties
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